Perhaps the only music worth playing.
By boh3m3 | July 18, 2008
When I was in elementary school, I had the good fortune to be picked to play the violin. I say picked because, in that assembly-line fashion that comes natural to long-employed public school music teachers, I was.
I practiced bowing malformed notes on a cheap cardboard practice piece and anticipated the next time in class I could get hold of one of the “legitimate” violins in short supply. It was a passion that unfortunately would not follow me far. Eventually I moved to the cello, the trombone and then to a state of musical passivity. For the longest time now the only things I’ve played are the stereo, DVDs and video games.
But as these youth experiences are wont to do a seed of affection for the violin was planted deep in the impressionable soil of my mind. To me, the sound of a well played violin is the true sound of a soul’s mirth and sorrow. However it is not enough to simply lay a bow or a finger on the tuned strings of an excellent instrument. If it were that simple, all of us would be masters and the feeling would be lost.
It’s for that reason that I have the utmost respect for musicians who can play from their soul. Vocalists and instrumentalists who fall into that deep pit in their hearts where truth, beauty and love dance hand in hand with guilt, pain, and hate. A stew of emotions, raw and vibrant, spinning, leaping, crawling and screaming with the undiluted ferocity of their very presence. The musician is no longer a simple man. They become psychopomps for their own convictions, their own passions, and their own pain.
The rarest violinist plays as if the neck was the spine in their back, their heart humming in the chamber, their veins the strings, and their bow the gritting convictions buried somewhere in the labyrinth of their mind. To those people, lavished with recognition and playing for the undulating masses or languishing in obscurity playing for themselves, I say thank you. Thank you and never, ever, lose your center.
-B
Topics: Random Thoughts | 11 Comments »
Radio Static
By boh3m3 | June 14, 2008
Hey kids!
Ugh… I feel like some kind of mad uncle that steps in and out of your lives. “Ole Uncle Boh3m3, always ranting about one thing or another and then disappearing into the ether for weeks on end. What a coot!”
I’m not going to lie to you and say I was having some sort of religious experience, nor play on your sympathies by faking a family emergency. I’m not going to claim illness of any kind or even distraction via relationship. I’m going to say it flat out.
Lego. Indiana. Jones.
I was completely hermetic for about 3 days after I installed this game. I came out (after I had achieved 100%) looking something like a cave salamander with chest hair and a goofy smile.
Without a mention of the nasty “nuke the fridge” Indy4, the game centers around a clean, family friendly lego version where you get to play scenes from all three original movies.
I feel so dirty, having now officially wrote “clean, family friendly” and really meaning it.
Being the geek that I am, I had to get ahold of it. If you have Indy fevah, it’s a good buy for sure.
Then I proceeded to work as a “Pedestrian” extra on The Fast and the Furious 4 for two days. This being a night call in downtown LA, all of us catty extras ended up huddling into little tribes of smokers and non-smokers chattering and laughing. It was like a hobo version of woodstock, with iPods instead of a stage and desperate pseudo-actors instead of hippies.
Of all the extras I asked, one question reigned above all others: “Why the FUCK are they doing another one of these damn films!”
In close second was a slightly less picked up ramble: “Man Paul Walkers a dick! I wouldn’t piss in his mouth if his throat was on fire!” It did, however, get more laughs than the previous and brought into question why that extra involved Paul Walker, dick, and urinating into a mouth in the same breath.
But other than that there have been few new developments. More distractions than anything else, but I shall be back soon.
Topics: Site-Related | 15 Comments »
Quite Possibly the Best Post from “Best of Craigslist”
By boh3m3 | May 23, 2008
I hate all of you - Via Best of Craigslist
Date: 2008-04-20, 11:50PM EDT
I don’t care what colour you are. I don’t care where you’re from. I don’t care what you do for a living. I don’t care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you’ve fucked.
I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Toronto right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You.
Fuck love. Fuck your insipid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trou and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate ‘nice guys’ who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a persons character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat, flabby chicks that think personality is enough.
Fuck you drivers, for thinking that a yellow light is a sign that says ’step on the gas’. Fuck you wheelmen and women that think it’s okay to sit in a left hand turn in the middle of morning traffic, even though there is a protected left in the intersections before and after where you need to make your turn. Fuck you too cyclists - you’re not exempt from the traffic laws just because your peddling, you miserable spandex covered neon reflective fucks. Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don’t want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says ‘3′. You don’t have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic.
Fuck you chick on your cellphone. Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee. Fuck you cops that spend all their time handing out speeding tickets. Fuck you douche bag doing ten over the limit in the passing lane on the highway. Fuck you lady using exact change at the counter at the grocery store. Fuck you kids having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus.
Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I’m sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid ‘district improvement’ plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more that what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.
Fuck you bottles of water. You’re water. You’re not worth two fucking dollars.
Fuck you trendsetters, fuck you fashionistas. Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits. Fuck your high heels in the snow. Fuck your five dollar coffees and your fifteen dollar veggie burgers. Fuck your health kick, your diet or your fucking new interest in kickboxing or sushi.
Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It’s all wrong. Fuck it.
Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable.
I don’t give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it.
Topics: Rants | 24 Comments »
Necessary Measures
By boh3m3 | May 1, 2008
Can I get some tits on the Tube please? No, seriously I’m so sick and tired of youtube videos nowadays. I think what the site needs, above all else, is those bags of fat on the front side of women. Those frequently overlooked appendages of the female anatomy just NEED to be injected, artificially if necessary, into EVERY video humanly possible.
Have you looked at the most viewed page? Nothing but dudes. Just a big ‘ole sausage-fest of guys spewing out intellectual crap that has more basis in a classroom (bo-ring) and not showing us our much desired chick parts. I don’t want to hear thought-provoking monologues by experts in the field, dammit! I want CLEAVAGE!
I mean, how hard is it to get some flesh up there?! Since we all know porn is hosted on youtube, would it be such a stretch to get at least some “B” cups on that list? We all know that the internet doesn’t have any real resources for porn, which is why the brunt of us search youtube. Thank god for those intrepid individuals who use tags like “xxx” “sex” and “porn” on their videos. Good job, fellas.
But why aren’t these videos being shown as viewed the most? It seems a conspiracy is brewing to keep knockers away from the eyes of the average viewer. “Exploitation”, they call it. BAH! I’m a MAN and I want some GODDAMN TITS!
This message brought to you by the Sarcastic Bastard Coalition of Southern California (SBCSC). Noogins.
Topics: Rants | 7 Comments »
UBER Definition! Holographic MegaSex!
By boh3m3 | April 23, 2008
Every time I hear about the next big breakthrough in graphics or special effects I have this kneejerk reflex that makes me immediately vomit blood for five to seven minutes after. After the incident at E3 some years back, EA Games doesn’t invite me to their annual “Booze-and-Bragfest” cocktail mixers.
For as long as I can remember the movie, television, and video game industries have been “Keeping up with the Joneses” in the realm of delivering a better image of a mousetrap. As Magritte would say, “Ceci n’est pas une Holodeck.”
My main gripe with this industrial game of leapfrog is that we, the little people, tend to get jumped over faster than the next in line. It’s a regular complaint of mine that you can’t buy toilet paper without a better version coming out 4 days later. You are wiping your ass with Quilted v1.5.255d. Upgrade now?
Perhaps it’s me showing my age or my plutonium-grade retroslutism, but I would be thrilled if they went back and really explored the limits of the Sega Genesis. Pixel graphics have so much charm and possibility that I think in the race to the DreamCast it was greatly overlooked. Of course eventually the industry would have had to move forward, but with the speed of technology going obsolete, it’s like buying a ham sandwich that tastes like shit two bites in.
I realize that there’s not a chance that this sort of thing would happen, of course. I guess I’m fulfilling my duty by supplying the retro elitism that is asked for by the Great Sphincter of the Cosmos.
A Prayer to the Great Sphincter of the Cosmos
by boh3m3
Oh Sphincter, Great Sphincter!
Mighty Clenching Colonmuscle of the Cosmos!
Bless us with your gasseous inspiration,
And lead us not to the creative constipation
that comes when we eat too much Everyday Cheese!
Amen!
Topics: Rants | 6 Comments »
Masks Of Our Fathers
By boh3m3 | April 17, 2008
Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
It’s a strange day in your life when you realize that in some respect everyone you meet is wearing a mask that covers their true nature. I’m speaking figuratively of course, although the idea of Halloween year round would make the bar scene more entertaining.
In the world we live in, projecting something to the world that isn’t your true self is less an act of avoidance and more a survival trait. It’s not hard to believe that if you show your whole being to whomever should look you will invite the vicious to strike at the soft spot of your emotional armor.
It’s for that reason that we develop a shell persona. We sculpt the mask we want people to see from the clay of our life experiences with the tools of our deductive reasoning. We want so-and-so to think that we aren’t unusual, so we conform to trends in personal grooming and style to fit in with the herd. An awkward wolf in sophisticated sheep’s clothing.
But is it completely beneficial to disguise yourself so well? To hide your nature and in so doing hide your true purposes? It stands to reason that anyone who either finds benefit in your mask or puts in enough time getting to know you will start to notice the cracks in your façade.
Sooner or later the mask must come off. The question that keeps digging into my side is given that inevitable result, is it worth it to hide your nature in the first place?
Showing people what you want them to see gives them a more palatable transition to seeing your true self and perhaps opens up possibilities for interactions with people who might otherwise be put off by who you really are. But again, that’s not guaranteed.
Is it better to reveal the unrestrained truth of your nature and persona, or introduce it over time with strategic lies and omissions? Little white lies in the form of jewelry you can’t afford and mannerisms you see appropriate for the occasion.
Which is the better path?
Topics: Random Thoughts | 17 Comments »
Thank You.
By boh3m3 | April 12, 2008
I want to thank everyone who has donated, and the few of you who bid on my shwag.
As of today, donations and even the bid amounts (assuming they make their way here) included, I am nearly flat broke. I know that I would have been worse off without you, watching and reading and posting and putting up with my shit. My original intent was to move out by next month using the money from the donations and bidding, but Uncle Sam has the taste of blood on his tongue and took an especially large bite out of me. I’ll be eating peanut butter sandwiches for the next few weeks.
I doubt you will take me seriously when I say this isn’t a Sally Struthers “Save the children donate now!” kind of thing. When I say that I’m in a bad way financially, it’s more for me to recognize and accept it. But in spite of all this, I can only be thankful for those of you who have helped me along the way. I hope being listed on something as odd as a “Producers” page can suffice for now, and I hope those of you who contribute in your own way by watching and telling friends will understand my frustration that I can’t name and thank you individually.
From here I walk the tightrope I was on when I started this whole madness. Unless the background acting thing ramps up in a major way, I’ll be taking another job… probably waiting tables. This combined with my plans for video content should provide a hectic but productive near future.
I just hope I can stop bitching long enough to get things done.
Thanks for reading.
Topics: Random Thoughts | 7 Comments »
Bidding Details - BIDDING CLOSED
By boh3m3 | April 9, 2008
BIDDING IS NOW CLOSED!
So if the horribly dry instructional viddy didn’t do shit for you, click on one of these options and follow the directions in the subject bar.
NOTE TO DONATORS!! Those of you who choose to donate (whatever the amount) will be listed on the “Producers” page in chronological order for the first month or so. This can include a link to any website you choose within reason. After that first month, I will organize contributors by how much they donated, so that those who helped more will get more exposure than those who donated a penny.
Topics: Lists, Scripts, Site-Related, Video Commentaries | 25 Comments »
Sometimes
By boh3m3 | April 5, 2008
Sometimes I think I’m broken. I think why do I think that? I think who could I have been? I think that in some way or other I’m somehow the worst thing that could have occurred from being conceived. That in some parallel dimension there’s the best version of myself thinking that in some parallel dimension I exist… And I do.
I see the choices I made and didn’t make, the roads I didn’t walk down and the people I didn’t talk to. I picture hundreds of thousands of alternate possibilities extending ad infinitum and I see the domino effect from one insignificant choice made to the next.
I think of the sometimes futility of thinking and giggle to myself.
I think of not thinking. I wonder what it would be like to not have preconceived notions and a lifetime of experiences shaping my thoughts and actions. I remember the phrase ignorance is bliss, and the looks of pity to the ignorant from the people who say things like that.
These things run through my head like little model trains loaded with paradoxes wrapped in contradictions. I spend my time putting pennies on the tracks.
But eventually I remember that when I’m feeling like the worst person on earth, out of the billions of people in the world at least a hundred people did as I have done, or would have. And in that anonymous throng of humanity I find peace that I’m not so fucked up that I can claim to be alone on this rock.
Then I smile. I feel the warmth of the sun on my face again and I know I’m going to be ok. I know that somewhere, someone loves me and is thinking of me.
Topics: Random Thoughts | 8 Comments »
A Mighty Need
By boh3m3 | April 4, 2008
I need a computer that is mighty. A computer so godly it makes Jesus ask for a paternity test.
A machine that has a human brain for a processor and a cold-fusion power supply. I want the sky to be my monitor and a keyboard that is made from solidified light. A mouse that squeaks and has an ecosystem under the clear glass dome that serves as a handrest with little humanoid people living inside working on clunky old Gateway rejects from the 1990s.
My computer will eat Pi for breakfast and run Crysis on Mt. Olympus settings with a frame rate of 200FPS. It will understand the female mind.
It shall be cooled by dunking the whole tower in an aquarium with liquid nitrogen, with insanely proportioned alien fish keeping the water circulating and toxin-free.
And most importantly, I need it to last a full decade without being rendered obsolete.
Topics: Random Thoughts | 20 Comments »