Brain Poops

You know that bit in Beetlejuice when the two lead characters ask Mr. Juice if he’s qualified? When all you see is him from behind and those tentacle things burst from his head? I feel like that right about now… only with snot tentacles… and they aren’t even prehensile! As gross as it may be, I think prehensile snot tentacles would be a huge step up from where I’m at right now. I mean at the very minimum they could probably hold a cigarette for me or help me shave. That might be sweet in a disease-ridden mucous kind of way.

There’s a whole crapload of crap I need to unload on you guys, so strap in for the long haul… let’s see if my fingers work more efficiently than my immune system.

Phuck’d Up

The whole “Fuck you Phil” thing needs explaining first and foremost I think, as it’s the last bit of real drama I left you all with. Phil passed me in the rankings a few weeks ago. As I prepared the materials for hara-kiri, he made a video about passing me and poked at my lifeless, bloated corpse of a youtube account with the pointy stick of his words.

I was more hurt and confused than Paris Hilton being asked by a dear friend to spell “colloquialism.” (Oh just by the way… what rotten, bitter, spiteful linguist decided to call expressions like “y’all” and “gonna” colloquialisms? That’s almost as bad as putting a “s” in lisp…)

I spent the night at work sullen and defeated. I wiled the minutes away by sneering at guests from afar and drinking from my paper cone-cup in a style similar to a drunkard with a martini. It was around then that I noticed the song “A thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton was playing, and decided to remark that it was a pretty stupid exaggeration. It was like a cut on the roof of my mouth. Even though it wouldn’t make any real difference I kept prodding at it and thinking about it.

That night I recorded a video, and made “Fuck you Phil” the full stop to punctuate the experience. My roommate later noted that he had written “welcome back, cunt [winkeyface]” in the comments section. I immediately knew that he didn’t mean to piss me off initially. But as anyone who follows net drama knows, flame-wars are frequently started from misunderstandings. D’oh!

I decided to finally film “Orange” by itself and use my roommate Zack as the second gunman. It had been on my mind for a long time, originally the top of a video that was supposed to be the “5 Worst Ways to Eat an Orange”, so I jumped at the chance to one-up the rather formulaic style [sorry man] of Monsieur Phil. I thought it would be funny for the Hippie/Stoner character to fuck up that last line, so I thought up that last piece just after filming.

To make an already painfully long story shorter, I took him wrong, then understood and acted wrongly, then he took my wrongful understood actions and assumed it was how I felt, we then talked on the phone and now he wants to have my baby.

Alright that last part was pure bullshit, but we made nice-nice and we’re now on the same page of that fucked up book that is known as youtube crap.

Everything Else, Really

In short, the month of October for me was a pretty intense experience. I can’t tell you some of the things that kept me off the tubes since it seems keeping my personal life at a bit of a distance from the public eye is advisable at this point.

I will tell you that there have been some major changes in my life that will hopefully work out for the best in due time. I’ve changed jobs, I’ve lost family, and I’ve grown a rather fetching bit of stubble on my chubby ass face. The biggest item to me must be left out for the time being, but those of you with a smacking of intuition will probably connect the dots.

Shit… I was hoping to make this entry a bit more complete but even with Daylight Saving time on the “fall back” end it has gotten rather late.

Perhaps I will post more tomorrow.