Adventures in ‘Bama
by boh3m3 on Sep.10, 2007, under Uncategorized
[Please pardon my spelling errors. I suck at life]
The saying goes “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” There are tons of variations, though. You may know it as “You love most what you don’t have”, or perhaps “beer tastes best when you can’t find a six pack before sunday in a dry county.” It all depends on the region I suppose.
My stepdad retired from the National Guard this weekend, and with a week’s notice and a very pricey ticket I was on my way. Four days in the south might do me some good, I thought. And you know what? It kind of has.
I could go into the normal shebang about how airport security sucks and how pricey even the most basic items are, but it would be nothing you haven’t heard before. I can tell you that a breakfast sandwich composed of instant eggs and a teaspoon of sausage at Silvio DiSalvatores Sausage Empire costs approximately 8 dollars by itself and tastes of the assness. Been there. Done that.
In fact the only seemingly unique part of my trip to the south was the particular bouquet emenating from the fat[ter] guy sitting next to me. It was a combination of urine, root beer, and old spice. To my best estimation, he probably passed out in a puddle of maple syrup, pissed himself, and then in a rush to get on the flight doused himself in old spice [I'm told it's called an italian shower].
But I arrived back in Bama with little delay to meet the bit of family that had assembled for the ceremony. It was nice to see my dear old mum again. I have nothing but apreciation for a parent who knows enough about her son to bring a bottle of Crown to the hotel. We talked, we drank, we ate cruddy food. It was pretty nice.
All this took place in a little town near Birmingham called Gadsden. Gadsden looks like it was built within the last five years and had people imported in to make it look lived in. All of the buildings had that popcorn stucco look so common these days. I had half hoped the Wal Mart would be made of wood, but my dreams were dashed against the giant stuccomonster looming across from the hotel.
The ceremony was everything one would expect in a military event. Sharp, to the point, and delayed. I was impressed, however, by the shadowbox they made for my stepfather. It’s a gorgeous case made out of wood and glass with a blue velvet [insert Dennis Hopper joke here] backing that holds all of the medals and ribbons he has recieved in the past 20+ years or so of service. It was purty.
But being back in the south reminded me why I wanted to leave so much. This, for once, is not a jab at the people but more the vibe of the cities I went through. As friendly as southerners are in general, there doesn’t seem to be much drive there. Or perhaps that’s something that I see in myself because of how I feel here. I’ve always been one to push forward in pursuit of progress. I just dont feel that way down here. My motivation gets stuck in the mud, so to speak.
But for the moment, I’m going to kick back, sip sweet tea, and bullshit with locals about that damned Brittany Spears. It’s rather nice.
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September 10th, 2007 on 1:09 pm
sweet - when will you be returning? Good bonding with the fam?
September 11th, 2007 on 3:44 pm
You write interestingly and well. If you ever wrote a critique of modern life I would be very interested to read it. You have an intelligent perspective, and a very sharp wit.
BTW; this a genuine comment, if you consider it arse kissing I will personally eat your brains …
progeny77
October 3rd, 2007 on 5:39 pm
good to see you got back to ‘bama. Glad you are using the blog also
I have a question about the layout..and why the website is gone…
thats the question
October 4th, 2007 on 10:38 pm
Hooray! i finally worked out how to comment this awkward, AWKWARD site. i figure you’re more likely to check you’re beloved yet publicly underloved website more than you are to check your general video comments. what happened to your e-newsletter man? i was ready to jump on board. and yes i got your mass generic email “thankyou for your submission..blah blah” but nothing ever came of it and that ccould have been a really cool edition to Youtube. so yeah, i was just curious as to what happened there? i know it wouldnt go ahead now due to your lackluster attitude towards blogging but yeah. a response via email would be lovely, failing that a post here, failing that….i ran out of options. whatever, peace man
Verd0ux
October 6th, 2007 on 1:44 am
Lol well at least you do check it, and whats more you read it! thanks for making the commenting easier. I am confused however, why you took down my last comment? i didnt find anything inflammatory or innapropriate in there, and i was jsut asking a simple question. perhaps it would be best to not ask it again for fear of further deletion.
Ciao, Jase
October 20th, 2007 on 5:54 pm
Some people say that you can never truly return home.
Which just goes to show… even very wise people can have rubbish sense of direction.
October 30th, 2007 on 10:51 am
Good Blogs. They had me laughing.
What happened to the forums?
Am i missing something?
October 31st, 2007 on 9:41 am
you know, you are pursuing a career in showbiz (at least it seems that way), but your writing is amazing. I have a feeling that you would write wonderful books….. who knows, maybe i’m off track, but i’d love to read one.