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In our last episode…

We get about 10% less tangled than those bloody Righties and you say we have to stop. We remove sweaty palms from awkward stranger palms and sit down, pondering if we brought any hand sanitizer and vowing not to eat anything or touch our faces until we wash our hands again.

I remember that you whinged on about how the exercise told you everything you needed to know about us. You said if we grouped up into departments he would interview us one on one for about 30 seconds. You also mentioned that anyone who is hired will get a call by Sunday, and those who weren’t would have a quiet weekend.

Well it’s been a quiet weekend for me, I don’t mind telling you. And since it’s evident I’m not hired by you, I’d like to take a chance to tell you exactly how I feel.

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Dear Cheesy Manager Who I Remember Too Much About,

My "Dream" Job

Hi! My name’s Ben. You may not remember me, but I was one of your applicants this week. I came into your Books N Shit, Inc branch early and prepared to take on your interview. Instead, I ended up in what I consider to be the biggest 2 hour waste of time since Disaster Movie.

Your minions directed me to the upper patio where our interview was to be held with a burning trail of anguished souls screaming to be hired. I saw it crawl up the Broken Escalator of Hardship, slither through the Twisting Wastes of  “Calendars of Intelligent Thought”, and fizzle to an end in the Field of the Always Occupied Four Chairs.

I sat in my (surprisingly) empty chair, with a printed resume, my pen and a hardcover copy of The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy to write on at the ready. As I dutifully filled out your company’s formal application, the other applicants started their invasion.

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