Girly Girl Gamers
by boh3m3 on Oct.18, 2008, under Rants
I recently read an article on Kingmag.com called “The 5 Best Video Games To Play With Your Girlfriend”.
To sum up the article in brief: Fitness, cooking, karaoke, trivia and cel-shaded “family safe” crapola.
Seriously. That’s what the article suggests you play with the love of your life.
Fuck that1.
I want a girl who get’s pissed if we own an XBOX360 but not Gears of War. I want a girl who can headshot me with a pistol from across Blood Gulch and still melt my heart when I glare at her over my controller. I want a girl who can whip my ass at any game on any console with a little practice, or at least give me a run for my money.
Anyone who has experienced the incredible awe-inspiring joy of the girl gamer will agree with me: they are more precious than diamonds, rubies, and free upgrades for life on your top-of-the-line computer tower2.
I realise that not everyone likes video games, but it’s my personal opinion that if you’re going to play them in the first place you might as well do it right.
As far as I know, there is not an interest range that is not covered by video games anymore. Where before video games were almost exclusively flight sims, shooters, and platform-style there now exists a more broad selection. It’s the responsibility of every gamer to help cater to the particular kinks of the uninitiated to lubricate the experience of gamer rebirth.
Examples: She likes…
- Scary movies - Silent Hill, Resident Evil, I Have No Mouth And Must Scream.
- Flowers and shit - the Wii
- Action films - Half Life 2, Duke Nukem, DOOM3
- Puzzles and such - Bejeweled, Tetris, Naked Tetris4
You get the drift.
Now would you please stop telling women to sing, cook and play trivia games and start working on getting women into fragfests and Starcraft already? The 50s were a long time ago, and this shit needs to stop already.
Loading ...1: Any girl who will only play those games is not my “type,” so don’t misunderstand my words here as telling the world what’s right and what’s retarded. They are just opinions, and like the saying goes “everyone has an asshole that shits.”
2: Oh god how I LONG for the day!
3: Can’t go wrong with the classics, now…
4: Yes, it exists. No, it’s not sexy..
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October 18th, 2008 on 4:56 am
Aww man. My boyfriend won’t let me play Dead or Alive 3 on the xbox with him anymore because I get too pissed off when he wins. He doesn’t understand. I was QUEEN of that game back home, then he comes along with his stupid gamer skills and his stupid face. I won at first. Then it was fairly evenly matched. Now he kicks my ass every time and I can’t look at him for a good ten minutes after.
I’m pretty kickass on wiisports, but we all know that doesn’t really count…
Wish I was more of a gamergirl, to be honest, but maybe the day will come :)
October 18th, 2008 on 7:41 am
K so the Chocobos were cute. And after dating my fair share of gamers i’d say i can keep up. favs return to castle wolfenstein, counter strike, the resident evils. but i also cook and clean. and dress pretty when i feel like it. but that doesnt mean i wont sit and let the pizza boxes stack up as i try my damnedest to kick your sorry ass :)
October 18th, 2008 on 11:22 am
is this an genuine blog or a clever way to get true girl gamers to hit on you?
October 18th, 2008 on 11:24 am
@DevonBasedMan: Why can’t it be both?
October 18th, 2008 on 6:48 pm
My mom has already hinted that she wants a Wii game console for Christmas. Sounds tempting, but what she really needs is a pair of glasses, so she can see what she is playing.
October 19th, 2008 on 12:42 am
“I want a girl who get’s pissed if we own an XBOX360 but not Gears of War. I want a girl who can headshot me with a pistol from across Blood Gulch…”
What, are you fuckin high or something? I would honestly like to know where you expect to find one of these girls, because I sure as hell would like to know. I’ll move there if I have to.
Yes, these girls exist, and yes, I know looks aren’t everything, but past experiences have taught me to look for a regular girl and just suck it up.. because lets face it, 99.99% of girl gamers look like their face got caught in a blender, or they have a year-subscription to McDonalds and it ran out in February,
..or both.
Oh, how we can dream, Ben.. and thats just what this is. A goddamn dream.
Good luck with your search. I’ll be waiting back home in reality when you snap out of it and return with your tail between your knees.
October 19th, 2008 on 12:48 am
@Derek: Then I must be still asleep… because I found one. :D
October 19th, 2008 on 11:09 am
Me and my female roommate are more excited about Starcraft II, and Diablo III than our boyfriend’s are. They’re excited about Star Wars and stuff. Which is fine, but i’d rather sit down and play Tekken any day, or the new Resident Evil, because it comes with the only option you were ever missing before: It’s 2 player. Now instead of your friend sitting behind you screaming ‘to your left, dumbass!’ they’re right next to you yelling it.
And while right now i’m preferential to games like Mario Kart and Bomberman for the Wii[my roommate's brother brings over his Wii, because we don't have one, boooo, and we play well into the night], i will still always be a fan of Shadow Hearts for the PS2, and of course, the Zelda games. My boyfriend plays Final Fantasy online, but i think the games really just started going downhill after 7. *shrugs* that’s just my opinion, though.
October 20th, 2008 on 6:08 am
Yo Boh3h3…thanks for pointing us female gamers out! I have always been a gamer for as long as I remember, LOVE the DMC series especially 3. My boyfriend is more into sports games, but I’ll convert him. :D
October 21st, 2008 on 11:52 am
I love this, Ben. I hate these articles about playing games like Cooking Mama and Viva Pinata!
I’m a gamer girl. Ohh, let me tell you. I’d no scope your ass across Blood Gulch even if you think your in your best hidey hole. I K.O. boys so hard in Soul Caliber, they scream the longest strings of slurred curse words you’d ever hear. I also 5 star songs on expert on GH.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not over confident or cocky. Gaming is my passion. I go to school for Game and Simulation Programming, and it’s a dream come true. I can’t imagine doing anything else. I remember being a little girl who absolutely could not get enough of Wolfenstein, Castlevania, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, and Bonk. As I got older, I’d have nights where I’d play GTA, grab a Firetruck, and giggle maniacally as I’d spray pedestrians with the hose and send them flying.
I don’t want to go off and give you my life story. I just wanted to add to everything that yeah, girl gamers exist. And we’re not necessarily Cooking Mama and Barbie’s Horse Adventure fangirls.
And last but not least, we’re not all fat girls with acne ridden faces. There are gamer girls that are hott, cute, gorgeous even. More than a lot of people think.
:]
I love reading what you write, Ben. You’re awesome, and I wish I could get a chance to chainsaw you just once in Gears.
<3
November 14th, 2008 on 1:49 pm
you got an xbox boh3m3, whats your gamertag, despite that i already have a good idea what it is….
November 14th, 2008 on 9:50 pm
WHERE TO START!!!!
as a girl gamer I AM PISSED that those that think the female race is not able to cap a dudes ass in a shooter game or PWN them in a MMO pvp.
I LOVE the Metal Gear Solid series, I loved sniping the flunkies in the junk with my gun. I loved waiting till that stupid ninja wanna-be would turn around to pop him in the pooper and laugh till I wet myself.
I love resident evil 1-3 (including code veronica) saddly I think 4 and 5 are off target
I enjoy the Silent Hill series
I enjoy the Final Fantasy series
I love being a caster in a MMO that can outlast my tank team mate cause I invested in str and dex and laugh at him till I pass out from lack of air after he just told me how dumb I am and for it yet his is dead from a stuid lvl 10 mob when he is lvl 13. ( you get the idea)
you get my point!
I am a bad ass gamer bitch and proud of it.. Sure I am over 25 *cough 31 cough* but so what.
HI I AM KNOWN IN MOST mmo GAMES AS ALUNADRIEA and I AM A GAMER BITCH DEAL WITH IT! and if you don’t like it, stop filling my chatbox with your whining and go knit a quilt!
November 27th, 2008 on 10:26 am
wow, so uh, pretty great blog ya got here Mr. Ben
December 1st, 2008 on 10:25 pm
Yes I would love to have a girlfriend who owns at Gears or Halo.