The gun is not in your hands… it’s in mine.
by boh3m3 on Dec.02, 2007, under Random Thoughts
Every now and again I think about youtube-icide. Deleting my youtube account, my little fucking myspace and my website and starting from scratch, if at all. There’s some freedom in that, I think… but there’s so much there that holds me back from taking action.
Love the life you choose… Someone I take seriously said that once, I think. Even if I’m wrong, I feel like that advice is sound enough to keep me from doing such a drastic act.
I look at the heroes I hold in high regard and see such determination in them. A stubborn hardheadedness that refuses to relent, regardless of the obstacles in front of them. Continuing forward in spite of almost certain failure and negative consequence might be seen as courage… and I hope some day I might be courageous in someone’s mind.
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December 2nd, 2007 on 3:41 pm
Aww Ben, there lies the rub. I’ve been watching your youtube videos for a while now (you and a few other You Tuber’s were the first one’s I ever watched on YouTube-I kept coming back to yours, because you made me laugh. Even though you swear a lot.) ;) and I just found your blog.
I think the question you have to ask yourself is if you *still* enjoy making videos, blogging etc…? Because in the end it’s really about the *process*, not necessarily the result.
In the beginning, you probably started your videos as something fun to do (be creative-have a creative outlet) and then it turned into something a little bit *more*. You have subscribers now and people make comments, have opinions, know who you are, expect new videos, blah, blah, blah. Sure, that’s probably fun too and I’m sure you’ve met some cool people in the process, a long with some um, not so cool people, but it’s probably an added dimension you probably didn’t anticipate when you first started, right? Stop me, if I’m wrong.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, and gee my first “post” to Boh3m3 is a novel :P, but I guess my point is as long as it’s still fun for you and you enjoy it, I say keep going. Of course, it’s up to you.
For what it’s worth, you make me laugh and since I have a sort of wacky sense of humor, that’s kind of hard to do. ;) Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.
Sorry if this post seems a bit *kissassy*, but it’s how I really feel. :)
I plan to start my own creative endeavors soon and know that dealing with other people’s opinion’s (good AND bad) is probably going to be one of the most difficult aspects to deal with. At least for me, as I’m kind shy. Argh, people! ;) Take care!
December 2nd, 2007 on 3:46 pm
It takes a lot of guts to keep on going when so many people try their best to put you down. Especially to bare yourself like that for everyone to see - that’s courage right there.
After watching videobloggers like you on youtube, I came to realize that for the first time in my life, -I- had heroes.
Please don’t give up now Boh3m3, there are people like me who are still rooting for you! :3
December 2nd, 2007 on 5:42 pm
Hey, man, there are people who value your creations. I know that’s not what you’re getting at here, but what you’re doing is courageous in its own way.
Posting your own shit on the internet with hopes that someone, somewhere will be amused, is pretty damn courageous. It’s not arrogant to hope that your bitching might be worth something - it takes balls to put your talent and self out there, especially knowing that you’re going to be cut down by people who don’t like you. These people are shitdisturbers and not worth your time.
You can’t do anything without overcoming adversity.
You’ve done it in the Youtube sphere for over a year now. Keep it up, because you’ll always have supporters.
Best of luck,
Evan Culbertson
St. Louis, MO
December 2nd, 2007 on 5:47 pm
latley i’ve been thinking about scholaricide (does that work?)… just throwing everything i’ve worked for away and dropping out of college, even though i’m so close to graduating. The thing is with every semester i get more and more disillusioned about what it is i’m working for. I hate my classes, my teachers and my classmates, i feel like i’m wasting my time, but what keeps me from just dropping everything and living under a bridge, isn’t a stubborn hard headedness that refuses to relent (i wish it was), but rather a irrational fear of living under a bridge for the rest of my life, your way sounds much more healthy.
December 3rd, 2007 on 6:44 am
I feel for you. I have, in the past, done some purging of the online life, and some people found themselves drastically cut off. Deleted emails, blocked sender, disappeared from websites, and deleted all comments ever made on their pages. It was satisfying to get rid of the flotsam of life. Sometime you have to start anew, and that starts with a clear-eyed evaluation of your priorities. If something is sucking the soul out of your day (or life) then get rid of it! You are at a bit of a crossroads, given what you’ve been saying lately, so I encourage you to slow down and do what’s best for you.
Holiday hugs, J.
December 4th, 2007 on 3:36 pm
I think it requires a lot of discipline, patience and strength to choose to do something or to live by a certain standard and go all the way ’till is done.
But I also think it’s wise and brave to say “You know what? It’s not working for me anymore” and personally I don’t think that is quitting, that’s just being honest and choosing something else.
Life is too short to live to everyone elses expectations, even our own. From my personal point of view it’s just a matter of choosing what suits you best, regardless of the circumstances.
Cheers from México.
December 6th, 2007 on 1:22 am
I definitely feel for you, Ben. I committed MySpace-icide, and quite honestly it was liberating. The drama, the histrionics, the sheer idiocy of people on the internet… it’s nice when you can make it all disappear.
If you were to take everything down and start fresh, people would still find your stuff, and you’d be at the same place you are now in a few months. Maybe sooner.
Your stuff has helped people, though. It was YouTubers like you and TheWineKone and SMPFilms that got me started on YouTube and, as few subscribers as I have, I feel like I’m contributing something with my account. Plus. it’s a fun hobby. Don’t let someone else take that away from you. You’re the only one who should ever take something enjoyable out of your life.
December 6th, 2007 on 5:41 pm
You can delet them if you want. its your choice. dont feel pressured by others. ive been surprised by some comments on your youtube, people act as though you owe them something. starting a fresh can be nice. or this could be impulsive like a britney hair shaving moment. but you have the ability to save videos and texts on to disc/usb. etc. you could go offline temporarily, and at any moment of regret stick it all back on. to be honest it would be a cool experiment. you could remove everything and just leave a comments box or your email address, to see how people felt about it. i dont know how ethical that sounds.. slightly mean i guess.. but interesting to me.
“the bad news is time flies, the good news is your the pilot”
December 8th, 2007 on 2:09 am
id like to say a quote ive found true to this day. you know it well as i do.. “its just a ride” keep yourself from taking things so seriously. i sound like a fortune cookie but thats how you have to look at things. ive done a lot of things in my short time alive but i have been working to keep high spirits with what i have. ive been given a lot of bad cards in my hand but i still try and keep a good poker face. and thats a talent were all blessed with.
December 13th, 2007 on 3:41 pm
Ben i admire your determination. and you’ve had a great run on you tube. The main reason being you do what you want to do, with a fuck everyone attitude. I admire that. Its heavily unpopular to do what your insides tell u nowadays. It seems everyone wants to be with the in crowd, Or categorized. You stand out. In a way you have inspired me to have an open mind and be a thinker. Instead of having shit rot inside and bother me, i just speak my mind. I thank you for that.
But whatever you do i support u, im not gonna be all like oh no boh3m3 don’t go my pueney little world is gonna end. I’m gonna let ben do what ben wants. I just wanted to let u hear what i think of ya.
December 16th, 2007 on 2:50 pm
If You Do So
I Will Suport Chuu
And Btw Why Did U Block My U TOOB ACOUNT gizzuworld
December 18th, 2007 on 3:40 am
“Continuing forward in spite of almost certain failure and negative consequence might be seen as courage… and I hope some day I might be courageous in someone’s mind.”
But of course it’s courageous…..you have to take risks in life ALWAYS to move forward…even if it does blow up in your face….it happens, but then when that when everything starts working out in life, you know that you worked hard to get there.
Being courageous is having the balls to live your life and pursue it to the highest degree…no matter where it takes you….and i think you are absolutely the definition of that.
Just my 2 cents….but i hear you….keep on doing what you are doing and take the world by storm….
December 27th, 2007 on 9:33 am
Yes, delete your Youtube account, and leave it at that. Move on.
For once in your life do something principled - you may be surprised at how it cleanses the soul….
January 4th, 2008 on 11:21 am
I’ve considered it. Streamlined a lot, deleted my facebook page (before reluctantly reviving it)… maybe one day I’ll go offline, but it’s kinda too late for me. My name is out there, whether I like it or not.
January 4th, 2008 on 4:05 pm
Do what you gotta do Ben. Just make sure it’s for the right reasons, your reasons, not someone elses bro.
Love and Respect,
Glen “EJ Twizzler”
Moses Lake, WA
February 16th, 2008 on 8:27 pm
i am glad youdidn’t press the kill youtube world button
February 28th, 2008 on 9:12 am
I know what you mean, just fucking deleting everyhthing and starting from scrath, though im not sure which reason you would hold for doing that. Im guessing you like the idea of reinventing yourself as something new. I feel like doing that all the time, except on a much smaller scale.
And the reinvention thing? I say go for it. I personally love your videos but if you all of a sudden decide to press the reset button, then go for it. Nothings holding you back.
I only ask that you consider the possibility of realising youve made a massive mistake if you do it.