“It is through art, and through art only, that we can realize our perfection.”
-Oscar Wilde

This whole entry reminds me alot of my favorite passage from “The Sorrows Of Young Werther”, by Goethe. If you haven’t gotten a chance to read it, check it out. Good stuff.

“That the life of man is but a dream, many a man has surmised heretofore; and I, too, am everywhere pursued by this feeling. When I consider the narrow limits within which our active and inquiring faculties are confined; when I see how all our energies are wasted in providing for mere necessities, which again have no further end than to prolong a wretched existence; and then that all our satisfaction concerning certain subjects of investigation ends in nothing better than a passive resignation, whilst we amuse ourselves painting our prison-walls with bright figures and brilliant landscapes, — when I consider all this, Wilhelm, I am silent. I examine my own being, and find there a world, but a world rather of imagination and dim desires, than of distinctness and living power. Then everything swims before my senses, and I smile and dream while pursuing my way through the world.”

Then I tell myself that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s my choice to be socially retarded and I figured if people understood me I wouldn’t like it at all. It takes away from my mysterious ‘charm’

I guess it depends.

And I think of you! Stuff like, “I wonder what Ben is doing” or, “I wonder what Boheme’s favorite ice cream flavor is.”

So you’ve got tons of fans here, and your existence in life isn’t meaningless, because you’ve certainly impacted the world of you tube.

It’s all about leaving your little thumb print on the world, huh? And despite all the choices you’ve made and the turns you’ve taken in life, it comes down to this; how many thumb prints do you want to make? Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and say, “I decided to take this turn in the fork in the road. I meant to do this.” because it’s what you make of it.

Yesterday I had an hour to burn after school till I had to go to a recital. I decided I wanted to work out, but the gym didn’t open till the time the recital started, so I decided to get lost downtown. Explore what my city had to offer me, looked at these amazing historic houses, just taking random turns as I went along. Sometimes down one way streets which induced screaming panic attacks and scared old ladies crossing the street, but I meant to do it, and I don’t regret it one bit because when I found my way back to school I felt as if I had discovered a little more of myself and how little screaming old ladies reacted in the face of danger.

Every thing’s a lesson, and even mistakes could be considered good learning experiences.

Ben, I really think you’d enjoy John Dies at the End by David Wong, if you haven’t read it already. There’s a lot of this sort of thought, where we just trudge along though life while sometimes realizing that we’re just assholes like everybody else, but also realizing that acknowledging this makes us better people. Plus, you know, it’s just a really hilarious book, and I’m recommending it to everyone.

When confronted with the truth of just how crap we can be, it can have two results. Push us down or drive us on. Your note of optimism at the end gives me hope that you’re being driven on, accepting who you are and what you’ve done and deciding to do better next time. I hope this is the case.

And, lest we get too self-indulgent and start using words like “lest”, I recommend this:
http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/page/1