I’ve gone through that cycle of thought several times. You’ve summed it up pretty well. Periodically we need to have realizations that we are, in fact, assholes. The fact that we recognize this in ourselves proves that we’re not quite at the lowest possible point, because we can still recognize bits of ourselves.

Ben, I really think you’d enjoy John Dies at the End by David Wong, if you haven’t read it already. There’s a lot of this sort of thought, where we just trudge along though life while sometimes realizing that we’re just assholes like everybody else, but also realizing that acknowledging this makes us better people. Plus, you know, it’s just a really hilarious book, and I’m recommending it to everyone.

I feel the same way! I feel like there’s something wrong with me, I feel like I wear people repellent as perfume or something. Sometimes, I feel that I’m physically, mentally, emotionally unable to have a conversation with another individual. I feel like I’m not understood and I feel as though I could never belong.

Then I tell myself that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s my choice to be socially retarded and I figured if people understood me I wouldn’t like it at all. It takes away from my mysterious ‘charm’

I guess it depends.

And I think of you! Stuff like, “I wonder what Ben is doing” or, “I wonder what Boheme’s favorite ice cream flavor is.”

So you’ve got tons of fans here, and your existence in life isn’t meaningless, because you’ve certainly impacted the world of you tube.

It’s all about leaving your little thumb print on the world, huh? And despite all the choices you’ve made and the turns you’ve taken in life, it comes down to this; how many thumb prints do you want to make? Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and say, “I decided to take this turn in the fork in the road. I meant to do this.” because it’s what you make of it.

Yesterday I had an hour to burn after school till I had to go to a recital. I decided I wanted to work out, but the gym didn’t open till the time the recital started, so I decided to get lost downtown. Explore what my city had to offer me, looked at these amazing historic houses, just taking random turns as I went along. Sometimes down one way streets which induced screaming panic attacks and scared old ladies crossing the street, but I meant to do it, and I don’t regret it one bit because when I found my way back to school I felt as if I had discovered a little more of myself and how little screaming old ladies reacted in the face of danger.

Every thing’s a lesson, and even mistakes could be considered good learning experiences.

I’d have to agree with sara.
I know how things can be so overwhelming and make you end up looking back at your life, leaving you to ask yourself where has the time gone. And make you think of ever even that has taken place and the wrongs and rights of the world and of you life. over thinking become second nature and yet you are at a loss of direction. Free will, free thinking is taken over by a flood of emotions. Then your face with that endless road that seem to lead every but the one place you’d like to be.

well written! i know what you’re saying all to much..