Masks Of Our Fathers
by boh3m3 on Apr.17, 2008, under Random Thoughts
Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
It’s a strange day in your life when you realize that in some respect everyone you meet is wearing a mask that covers their true nature. I’m speaking figuratively of course, although the idea of Halloween year round would make the bar scene more entertaining.
In the world we live in, projecting something to the world that isn’t your true self is less an act of avoidance and more a survival trait. It’s not hard to believe that if you show your whole being to whomever should look you will invite the vicious to strike at the soft spot of your emotional armor.
It’s for that reason that we develop a shell persona. We sculpt the mask we want people to see from the clay of our life experiences with the tools of our deductive reasoning. We want so-and-so to think that we aren’t unusual, so we conform to trends in personal grooming and style to fit in with the herd. An awkward wolf in sophisticated sheep’s clothing.
But is it completely beneficial to disguise yourself so well? To hide your nature and in so doing hide your true purposes? It stands to reason that anyone who either finds benefit in your mask or puts in enough time getting to know you will start to notice the cracks in your façade.
Sooner or later the mask must come off. The question that keeps digging into my side is given that inevitable result, is it worth it to hide your nature in the first place?
Showing people what you want them to see gives them a more palatable transition to seeing your true self and perhaps opens up possibilities for interactions with people who might otherwise be put off by who you really are. But again, that’s not guaranteed.
Is it better to reveal the unrestrained truth of your nature and persona, or introduce it over time with strategic lies and omissions? Little white lies in the form of jewelry you can’t afford and mannerisms you see appropriate for the occasion.
Which is the better path?
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April 17th, 2008 on 3:36 pm
We all wear masks. Metaphorically speaking.
All I could think of reading the first paragraph was that line from The Mask.
I’m a big fan! Been following your work and vlogs for a long long time.
- Kevin Brooks
April 17th, 2008 on 8:42 pm
Keep the mask on, hide who you are, hide your past, hide what people aren’t ready for.
The world isn’t ready to know everyone’s dirty little secrets…I’d rather hide my true self and let people see it slowly, when they can handle it, than have them all experience everything at once.
Can you honestly say you’d benefit from telling the world about all your dirty little secrets?
If so, I dare you to post a blog exposing them, it would be quite interesting.
Though we would be better off being raised to behave, do well, and never do anything we’d have to hide…we’re only human. Hell, people like you wouldn’t exist if we were raised that way.
April 17th, 2008 on 10:28 pm
Is it better to reveal then to hide. We all have a past. It’s the fact that you have grown from it or not is what people tend to want to hide. When you are involve with a person and you are honest with them more things tend to go in ways for the best in the end. But we all hide in one way or another, we all keep things to ourselves. but things that are of significant should be revealed.
April 18th, 2008 on 1:05 pm
You know… that’s something that I’ve always wondered aobut myself. Personally, I try to keep my various masks that i’ve made in the past from strangulating the “unwanted” emotions or reactions from my face, but in all honesty,
It can be very difficult.
I’ve attempted (especially as of late) not to hide anything from anyone. Which can be REALLY hard when you go to an extremely conservative church.
Fuck, I’m rambling.
It’s as xnightskyx said, though. It’s better to reveal than to hide.
April 18th, 2008 on 2:23 pm
This subject is something i’ve been thinking on for the past couple of months, and i have come to a conclusion.
In certain situations, i believe a veneer is in demand, such as an interview for a job, or where such good first impressions are required.
But i find it to be too much of a hassle to try to hide parts of myself from people who would be my friend, or possibly more. If someone can’t deal with me the way i am, then it’s not worth the effort. While i may not come forward with information from my past, or certain parts of my personality, i do not try to hide them, because i know they’ll just come out eventually anyways.
April 18th, 2008 on 7:42 pm
I remember you talking about dating and that you shouldn´t throw all your personality failures out in the open imediatley. I think that goes for anoyne you meet. You kinda have to test the person gradually to see if it´s gonna work or not.
April 18th, 2008 on 11:10 pm
I’ll have you know revealing all of your shit at once generally leads to people being very unwilling to be near you
however not hiding from things we shouldn’t have to hide from anyway is the most enlivening thing in the entire world.
naturally there are some situations [ie. interviews, public schools :P] where you shouldn’t expose everything.
i wish people were trustworthy enough to handle all the back stories the world had to offer at once.
but I’m convinced that would lead to the apocalypse.
which might not be that bad considering….
April 19th, 2008 on 5:32 pm
Discard the mask let the true person into the fading light of the world, whether another person looks at your mask or the face beneath, they will judge.
A motto I’ve lived with since high school is simply this: This is me, if you don’t like it fuck off.
April 19th, 2008 on 8:48 pm
“We sculpt the mask we want people to see from the clay of our life experiences with the tools of our deductive reasoning.”
We really do only let people see so much of ourselves, what we want them to see to like us/not think we’re too odd or abnormal.
But how many people actually pay attention to how much of a mask you’re really putting up? Not many take the time to notice how big a difference there can be between the you they see at work/school every day and the you that types deep thought provoking blogs online.
April 22nd, 2008 on 3:52 am
I’m a checker at Safeway, somehow I fell into the world of customer service. Despite that fact that I hate inane small talk and being subservient to people with more attitude than intelligence, I get my paycheck by pretending to care, when all I really want to do is hustle drunk Eddie and his six pack of tall boy PBR though my line( Back again, Ed? Should have gone for the 12 pack it’s on sale with your club card). But I digress. The masks we wear are a necessary evil to living in a funtioning society I think.My manners for instance, while at work are just peachy. I’m so nice and thoughtful, but inside I’m really not. Inside I’m telling them that the world would be better if perhaps their parents had ate their young instead of letting them thrive and procreate. So the “Yes, mam’s” and “Thank you’s” pay my bills, but they kill a tad bit of my soul everyday. I wear a mask, sometimes I wear so many, that I forget which is which, what secrets did I tell to whom? I sometimes forget and drama ensues. I hate the masks because they’re a way of selling out one’s self, but I wear them because I’m too lazy to get my shit straight I guess. To thine own self be true, right? Well I guess I’m working on that.
April 22nd, 2008 on 7:29 am
that was brilliantly written!
April 22nd, 2008 on 10:16 am
People who make no effort to hide their true nature don’t fit in. They’re the crazy people, the weird ones, the ones mothers pull their children away from as they walk down the street muttering to themselves.
We hide a lot of ourselves in order to function.
It’s only a trusted few who get to see who we really are. That’s tragic, if you don’t have anyone like that, and amazing if you do, because it makes it special. It gives rarity value.
We don’t know you, Ben, because you wear the mask. Otherwise why would there be any value in your real friendships and your loving family?
April 22nd, 2008 on 2:54 pm
I think you should show who you are. Well… partially. I mean if you aren’t being yourself (crazy or not) then how is someone going to truely know you. And if they don’t like the crazy parts then fuck them. I mean who wants to be around someone that doesn’t appreciate you for you? I mean hiding part of your personality I guess in a way is kinda vital in meeting someone. You want to leave things to talk about in the future. Just be you and you’ll find people that are like you too.
April 23rd, 2008 on 10:39 am
I think we all wear a mask, to protect ourselves. to take the mask off would be to reveal our weaknesses to those who wish to attack us.
The mask is our friend in that it is our shield, but we must be careful that we do not become the mask we wear. It is necessary to protect ourselves from some people but those who we wish to get closer to, we must remove the mask and let them see the real person who dwells beneath.
you just need to make sure you remove the mask at the right time, and hope they like what is underneath.
wonderfully insightful post Ben, do keep it up.
April 23rd, 2008 on 5:21 pm
Don’t wear the mask, if we all end up wearing the same mask then we’re all a bunch of clones and then what would be the point?
Wear the mask to hide yourself from the people you don’t want to be close to
Show who you really are to the people you care about, or else its just all a big lie.
April 29th, 2008 on 11:04 pm
I tend to wear a veil instead of a mask. It’s not long til I just act like myself. I mean I’m very blunt about things. When you act like your true self even people you don’t know kind of admire your guts and you only figure it out when you talk to those people.
May 19th, 2008 on 9:23 pm
I agree with some of these comments but for the most part it just depends on who you believe deserves to see the real you. In that sense I wanted to be open to people at my job but they do not ever show themselves so in a way nor do I.