Brain Poops

Can I get some tits on the Tube please? No, seriously I’m so sick and tired of youtube videos nowadays. I think what the site needs, above all else, is those bags of fat on the front side of women. Those frequently overlooked appendages of the female anatomy just NEED to be injected, artificially if necessary, into EVERY video humanly possible.

Have you looked at the most viewed page? Nothing but dudes. Just a big ‘ole sausage-fest of guys spewing out intellectual crap that has more basis in a classroom (bo-ring) and not showing us our much desired chick parts. I don’t want to hear thought-provoking monologues by experts in the field, dammit! I want CLEAVAGE!

I mean, how hard is it to get some flesh up there?! Since we all know porn is hosted on youtube, would it be such a stretch to get at least some “B” cups on that list? We all know that the internet doesn’t have any real resources for porn, which is why the brunt of us search youtube. Thank god for those intrepid individuals who use tags like “xxx” “sex” and “porn” on their videos. Good job, fellas.

But why aren’t these videos being shown as viewed the most? It seems a conspiracy is brewing to keep knockers away from the eyes of the average viewer. “Exploitation”, they call it. BAH! I’m a MAN and I want some GODDAMN TITS!

This message brought to you by the Sarcastic Bastard Coalition of Southern California (SBCSC). Noogins.

I know these “Top Whatever” list posts are getting annoying, but I need to get this one out of my system.

Darth Vader Plays a Mean Harmonica

I have been kicking myself in the ass every day for not thinking of this… It’s… well it’s fucking amazing. This video is like seeing the Virgin Mary giving head to Sean Connery as James Bond. It’s something you never thought of before, but now that you give it some thought it would really be pwn.

Moar after the jump.
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There’s something about seeing words that is soothing to me. I write in a journal at least once every few months and I love noticing how my handwriting appears and how it’s affected by the state of mind I’m in. When I’m drunk, it’s slanted and the letters are longer. When I’m contemplative, it seems I press on the pen longer and focus on my letters more. The result is an almost boldface type that seems to suggest a seriousness in what I am trying to say.

Then there is Kinetic Typography. The lovechild of video and text… Text given the Frankenstein treatment and set loose on the village of the average web browser. The words unfold, jump, dissolve, and create one another in synchronous with the audio supplied. Here are my top 5 favorite kinetic typography videos.

5.) A Lesson On Typography

by Boca & Ryan Uhrich

The rest after the jump

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So the night is drawing to a close at the Mr. Safety household. Earlier that day Cory hosted a documentary crew and we shot a video involving me dressed up in a Viking outfit kicking Cory in the nutsack. Cory, Stephanie and I go to a bomb-ass Mexican restaurant down the street and talk about things that people talk about over burritos and camarones. Suddenly, Cory bolts from the table to the bathroom. A few minutes pass and he returns grinning like a kid finding $20 on the street. He says he farted so hard the tiles in the bathroom cracked. An idea is formed.

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