A Few Words On… Motorcycle Speakers and the Asses Who Love Them
by boh3m3 on Sep.18, 2008, under A Few Words On...
Pictured: The Douche-O-Rail
It should be said right up front that I am a purist at heart.
I think that when playing music, it should come from the heart. I think that movies should be borne of a burning desire to tell a story, not just to grind out a profit or expand on an already complete series (*coughIndianaJonescough*). And it’s my firm belief that if you’re going to ride a motorcycle, don’t use a giant ass set of speakers and otherwise obnoxious useless bits.
Of course, it should be noted here that the subject is very near and dear to my heart and experiences. I grew up around my father’s friends and their motorcycles over quite a few of my formative years.
I heard terms like “soft-tail” and “fatboy,” thinking naively that they were perhaps talking about John Candy. I ogled the pictures of scantily clad ladies on the walls of the garages, once I saw the value in such an exercise.
My first ride on a motorcycle was with my Uncle Mike, who to this day serves as an inspiration to me to be a crazy motherfucker and never apologize for acting according to my nature.
Last year, I bought my first motorcycle: a 1995 Honda Nighthawk 750. It wasn’t a Harley, but considering the price tag on those pretty bitches I figured Uncle Mike would give me amnesty for riding a Honda. For the past 15-16 months, my motorcycle has been my only mode of transportation. With a few exceptions, I’ve loved the experience immensely.
Yet with such an attachment and satisfaction, there comes judgment. I can’t help but get a little miffed when my dangerous liaisons with mother nature and her asphalt bracelets gets disrupted by some pud pulling up next to me with a “blasted-anus-red” cruiser blasting obnoxious pop or rap music.
It’s just sad really.
To a certain extend I sort of understand why they do such an obscene gesture to the Motorcycle Gods. No really! I do.
Some days you get bored with not having a stereo or the comforts of a car and you feel a twinge of regret that you don’t have one yourself.
The likelihood of these assclowns owning just the motorcycle and not a car is minuscule. This theory is based on that they all seem to be riding new bikes with immaculate paint jobs and, lest we forget, a fucking home theater speaker setup installed in the front.
It’s tacky. There, I said it.
You fucksucking pudflickers don’t have a bit of respect for the heritage of riding two wheels strapped to an engine with a couple of gallons of highly combustible fluid between your legs. You are perfectly content to have the sounds of the road and the wind drowned out by god knows what fucknasty music you decide to blast that day, and I want to kick you in the neck for it.
The road, however, has it’s own methods of dishing out punishment. I think the next time I hear about so-and-so laying their bike down on the 405 and getting road rash all over the front of their body, I’ll think to myself: Probably had speakers on the fucker… good job, road.
Then I’ll ride into the sunset, rusty mufflers and all, gleefully making up nonsense songs and singing them in my helmet so loud the eyeguard shakes.
httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAj0NvKt9pM
Helleu! Sorry for the dropout. Had to do quite a bit of work on my pc and it took the Syrup of Wahoo right outta me. Hope you dig this post! Let me know if you guys have any ideas for T-shirts or other shwag you’d like to buy inspired by my content.
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September 18th, 2008 on 9:01 pm
Last week I was walking home from work, and I was standing at an intersection, waiting for the walk hand to appear, and there was some guy on a motorcycle beside me, and you’ll never guess what he was listening to!!!! I’ll leave you in suspense!!! We’ll have a nice guessing game when I talk to you tomorrow. <3
September 18th, 2008 on 11:00 pm
Totally agree with you 100%.
I grew up getting rides on a motorcycle from my neighbor down the street, and my ex’s parents[who i used to live with, they both just got new bikes last summer, his mom got a 2007 Dyna Super Glide. She's the kind of woman who if you asked her if she road a Sportster, she'd slap you stupid. His stepdad got the bike i wanted without knowing it, a 2006 Road King in Black Cherry and black, beautiful bike] taught me how to ride when i was 15. His stepdad had a 1994 Honda Gold Wing before the Road King. I got on it one day and it was ridiculous trying to move that thing. It was huge! But it was a good bike that lasted him a long time before he could afford a Harley.
To me it’s just about the freedom. The wind, the road beneath your tires, the occasional bug in your mouth if you don’t have a full guard.
For these reasons, i hate crotch rockets[who thought of that name? Because it's fucking dumb]. 99% of the guys[and girls] who buy them are doing so to show how much money they have. I think the only acceptable reason to have a crotch rocket is if you’re racing. In which case you’ll probably die anyways. I told my boyfriend if he gets one i’m breaking up with him.
Glad you have such an appreciation for the motorcycle, Ben. =]
September 19th, 2008 on 12:29 am
‘wot no poll?’ chads not happy
my dad used to give me ride on his bike when i was about 6.
but mum made him get rid of it after he lost a fight with the moter way crash barrier. :(
September 19th, 2008 on 2:17 am
Oh I so feel you on this. Weird though, I’ve never heard of motorbikes with sound systems in the UK! Surely it’s utterly pointless if you’ve got a helmet on?
I used to ride pillion on my dad’s bike, and it’s the best form of transport I’ve yet experienced… dude… I so want a bike :(
September 19th, 2008 on 2:32 pm
Yeesh- I’d want something more like a Bitchin’ Betty- “that pud doesn’t see you and he’s pulling out- abort abort abort”- something like that…
I can only handle a Honda NX250. When we upgraded to a CBR I chickened out on something that could crush my leg off.
I definitely wonder what shenanigans the Boh4 is up to when he (you) doesn’t Tweet.
September 19th, 2008 on 5:21 pm
I too, had a surly motercycle-riding Uncle Mike who taught me to never take shit from anyone. I wonder if they come standard with every family?
September 19th, 2008 on 8:54 pm
You got to admit that having Steppenwolf’s “Born To Be Wild” blaring from the speakers of the motorbike of your choice; is pretty cool, but it can get old pretty fast. Have you ever thumbed through any old issues of “Easy Rider” magazine? It’s quite an eye-opening experience!
Thank you for embedding the “Vicious Cycles” video: I’ve never seen that before. It’s like a Roger Corman movie with a twist of Monty Python.
September 20th, 2008 on 1:22 pm
@Mandee: I didn’t know until you told me, and for the readers who are curious it was POLKA music, of all the damn things. Thanks for the comment, Mandee!
@Antha: I’m glad I’m not the only person out there with this vibe on motos. Ride on!
@DevonBasedMan: Heh. Sorry about the poll thingy. I just didn’t want to have a two question “speakers or not?” poll tacked on. Seemed like a soft option, and I prefer more interesting ones. Raw deal about the crash barrier and the ensuing banishment though. Must have been rough for your dad.
@Thiefree: It seems like the people who have the speakers blast music to compensate for the sound loss of going through a helmet, adding to the overall obnoxious nature of the whole setup. Others use brainbuckets (non full-face helmets), which deals with the problem more simply. You should get a motorbike one day, if only for a little while. But do be careful, OK? It just wouldn’t do for me to go on posting without your awesome comments and support because of some injury that could have been avoided.
@Jaide: Oh you have no idea. ;) I’m mischievous as hell when I’m not sending updates, just to spite Twitter. It’s more fun that way, dontchaknow!
@OzBro: Steppenwolf is choice by nature, with the right mindset and plenty of leather. Wow that came across quite homoerotic now that I look at it. Making me giggle. And you’re welcome for the Vicious Cycles video… I only recently discovered it myself and just HAD to share. :D
September 23rd, 2008 on 5:48 pm
I know I know, late post. I grew up riding a lot of dirtbike and only recently got into my first cruiser, I was first looking into harleys but then further research led me to find some things about their engine design that leads them to break down far more often. I ride an 07 shadow and actually like it far more now than I did previous to my road rash experience. I’m all about the no frills Rat Rod wind in the hair experience they provide, and the utter sense of freedom knowing that in this day and age… yeah i can probably afford to go there on the bike. Speakers are just tacky clutter, and only throw a “I’m a yuppy in a crisis” flag. This is how I think a bike should look.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitpic/photos/full/378056.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0ZRYP5X5F6FSMBCCSE82&Expires=1222218131&Signature=1H8qevuxl3kD6ev%2FPBygjTYjGpk%3D
September 25th, 2008 on 12:45 am
Consider: Jetski’s are completely lacking the sentiment of a mighty wooden sailing ship. So what? Does that mean a jetski doesn’t kick ass?
I love the sounds of the road. My bike is equipped with that feature… I turn the volume down, and there it is. I enjoy that just as I enjoy the smell of fresh-cut grass, or even manure, that you don’t experience in the car.
I’ve owned 10 bikes, including two NightHawk 750’s. I’ve had bugs in my teeth and I liked it. This is just a different experience, and it’s great.
My latest machine is a 1986 GoldWing GL1200 SEI. Stock CB radio, quadrophonic stereo system, electronic cruise, floorboards, armrests for the bitch seat, cup holder, and of course… a microwave oven in back for the occasional burrito and popcorn.
But even if you have to buy one without the microwave oven… Try one, just once, then TRY to criticize with a straight face. And don’t miss the experience of powersliding the 770 pound beast at 90MPH. It handles the better than any smaller bike I’ve ridden.
To each his own. See you in the rear view!
September 27th, 2008 on 3:29 pm
i totaly aggree with boh3m3 motorbikes are for just riding not listening to some bullshit music one day i hope to own a motorcycle of my own (im 13).
October 14th, 2008 on 6:04 pm
I have a harley heritage and i just put a speaker sytem on my bike to listen to tunes on those long trips. You apparently have not made many 2000 + mile trips. Its nice to hit the open rode and listen to some good music when you’re on the road for 8 hrs +. When you actually venture out of your little world you’ll understand.
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:38 am
I have to totally disagree…when I’m on an 8hour ride watching the sunset and having some good music on I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted and I’m just enjoying life. I still remember freebird playing as I crossed the rockies. I’m not trying to show anyone anything, I’m trying to enjoy two things I love …music and riding my motorcycle. I have no idea why you have such venom towards someone enjoying something in a way that is different from you. The only bikers I hate are the jerks who give us a bad name by weaving in and out of traffic or getting on the throttle at night in residential areas. Respect others and they’ll respect you….oh and don’t tell me to get helmet speakers…the effect from having speakers in your helmet screwed with my ability to tell where things were by sound. I don’t have that problem with open speakers.