Some of you1 might have gotten a notification recently that I posted a new article. Regrettably yesterday afternoon I was the receiver of a wild hair up my butt which caused me to write a new blog. I say regrettably because in the process of trying to update the site I noticed things weren’t quite working properly. I then made a series of uninformed decisions based on guessing and browsing around via FTP and deleted enough random crap that I broke the configuration. I basically put my hammy filthy casual fingers to work as a sort of novice Civil War surgeon/sysadmin, randomly deleting things that didn’t look important and even changing over the wp-config.php file to the wp-config-sample.php file without modifying the values.
- Always back up your articles in case you have to roll back your configuration by a day or two.
- Watching 10 minutes of Mr Robot does not mean you are qualified to diddle with your server’s brain.
- My hosting company is not only awesome, but patient when their customers go full toddler, shit the bed, then light the walls on fire in an attempt to fix their mistake.
A few hours of explaining my lack of a technique was all it took to let the professionals sort out the issues and voila! Here we are… Somehow ahead of being behind right where we started.
So that being said, this article is going to take a stab at reproducing what I wrote yesterday2.
Damn, dude. I went onto You Tube to see if you’d updated your video section in the last four months. You haven’t. I saw there was still a link to your website, so I came here to see if you’d updated.
You haven’t, but I can’t believe it’s been six years since you’ve updated this website, yet it’s STILL UP.
Are you renewing it yearly? Did you pay for a decade of service? Are you even going to see updates on your website?
We were never friends, and I was never a part of your life. Still, you were a massive presence in the lives of a lot of people, and sometimes it’s so strange that you just dropped out–because you had no ties to us, and you could.
I lost my job today due to this massive shit show at work, and I’m feeling nostalgic. I’m glad that your last post was so sad, because it’s reminded me that life was shit six years ago, and it’ll be shit six years from now. I doubt it’ll ever stop being shit, but it’s important to appreciate the tiny, tender mercies the universe throws at you. I think.
I don’t know shit, though
If you can believe it, I’ve actually been paying around $12/month for my server here and using it for just email. I had the vaguest intention of updating at some point, but much like my YouTube channel it sat on the imaginary shelf collecting digital dust3.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that I’m very fond and practiced at the art of ghosting. It takes nothing for me to more or less drop off the edge of the map at random intervals for a random duration and withdraw from practically everything. Me leaving YouTube started as a break, weaseled it’s way into a habit and then more or less became the standard.
I’ve attempted to make videos dozens of times over the years, but I didn’t think the content I was about to put on video was worth viewer’s attention. I didn’t want to be another talking head up-cycling Reddit posts into editorial with jump-cuts to edit my poor delivery. Most of my video content is bitching. Lots and lots of bitching. Criticism and negativity. Things I hope to avoid in my future content if at all possible4.
All the same I hope you’ve had luck finding work out there, man. It’s not easy for anybody trying to find a job, not to mention something you might be able to survive on without seeing how many roommates you can cram into a studio apartment. If you have the option to, take a week to just get out of the work grind in your own head. That’s about the closest I’ve gotten to a proper vacation all these years.
The mindset you’ve got is really close to what I’ve been struggling with myself though. Shit sucks at the moment, and it’s sucked for a while. Hell I can’t even say for sure if suckage is on the decline but for the moment it’s stock is strong and the only advice I have is to keep going. Instead of carrying your perception of the suckage like a weight around your shoulders5, use it to put an edge on your skepticism. It might be useful there, just be careful you don’t put yourself in an emotional gerbil ball. Hey quick question: ever had a metaphor run apeshit ransack crazy but didn’t have the heart to get in it’s way and put it out of it’s misery? If not, I can describe the feeling after that last bit.
You are right as well about the strange correlation between viewer and content creator. I’ve been fortunate enough to entertain and maybe even relate to a bunch of people through this crazy network of wires6. The people I’ve met, hell even the people I’ve pissed off have been fascinating to interact with. My quality of life is so much better with excellent people popping up into it randomly. So thanks for popping up, man.
So that wraps up my first post in, what? 3 years? Maybe I can scrape up enough discipline to get this thing going again. No promises, though. At this point that would be downright ridiculous to imply.
- Well, both of you… ↩
- Though I make no guarantee that it’s worth any of the effort put in or intrigue generated by a phantom notification ↩
- Made from flakes of digital skin sloughing off my fellow bloggers ↩
- Or if not possible, at least with a more original delivery than turning a camera towards my face and wordvomiting ↩
- Because unfortunately I have yet to meet someone who can lift that kind of weight for more than a moment here and there ↩
- *cough*seriesoftubes*cough* ↩