Brain Poops

For your consideration: my Writer Shrine

Someone asked me in the most recent live chat how to go about writing a script. They asked what kind of software to use and for a tutorial.

I gave him a brief run-down in the chat, but I’d like to give a more elaborate explanation here.

Simply put: just write.

In a world full of plasticine technocrap, it isn’t hard to think that if you have the right program for the job the rest will come naturally.

Ha Ha.

Writing is one of the oldest forms of expression man has utilized, and it takes no more than something to write on and something to write with. Words written on toilet paper with a concoction of feces and soot is just as valid as writing carved into the side of a mountain in forty-foot letters¹. The meaning of the words should trump the medium it’s written on, not the other way around.

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My thoughts on our current culture of “Selling out” and particularly internet video’s facilitation of hackery.

Video after the jump.

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…You Are Not Your Fucking Khakis

Another year has passed with another Thanksgiving to stretch our belts, and with the looming weekend comes that holiday unique to Americans: Black Friday.

For those of you not in the know, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving that marks the official “start” of the Christmas shopping season. Stores across the nation advertise deals on everything from televisions to argyle socks in an attempt to start the materialist masses drooling with desire.

And oh, how they drool!

Regardless of your city’s size, if so much as a Best Buy or Wal-Mart is within 10 miles you can be sure there will be a line stretching around the store come opening hour. Electronics stores are the bulls-eye for Black Friday shoppers, and there is a recent history of tramplings that seems to be destined for tradition.

Consider the videos below.

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Good day to you! My, what a wonderful Economic Downturn we’re having these days, eh? People all over the country are finding free time through lay-offs and businesses not being able to pay their staff.

Are YOU one of the lucky unemployed choking down macaroni and cheese with tuna? Well, we here at boh3m3.net have the perfect survival guide for living on the cheap. Won’t you join us in frolicking through the fundless fjords of frugality?

Food

Food is the basis of all life on this planet. Without food we die; and if we die, who will be around to talk to those lonely credit card companies?

So in the interest of feeding the beast before yourself, here are some tips on eating well without spending much cash.

1.) Gruel

This is not gruel, this is oatmeal. Gruel is worse.

Many people don’t know this, but gruel is actually edible! I mean, if thousands upon thousands in Africa subsist on this stuff, it’s just GOTTA be the bee’s knees for us here at home.

Keep an eye out for UN trucks going to other exotic foreign lands with food and supplies while you lay starving on the street. If it makes you feel any better, try the old “I’m pulling on the horn wire” motion to see if they will honk and verify your existence.

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Cinematography and staging tutorial using that medium of expression first established in the late Victorian Era: Cassette tape cases.

Video after the jump.
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Even the birds have had enough

LA is burning. Again. The hot Santa Ana winds are the bellows of our bonfire and, once again, mansions and double-wides alike are our expensive tinder. People are acting surprised. People are suffering.

Well that’s just how it goes, folks.

I hate to be the cynic on this one, because it is a tragedy that in our current times people are being burned out of their homes. An economic shit-storm followed by losing your home and all your possessions in a raging fire? Yeah that’s a bad year for anyone.

Of course, I didn’t even find out about the fires until yesterday evening.  Living in my cave without a television has it’s drawbacks, of course, so instead I found out at the thrift store by a TV a few years older than me. I remember leaving for my next stop and hearing just over the din “The winds are changing to the west now, and fire fighters are…”

So within the span of about ten minutes, I noticed the sky getting darker. The sun, I thought, is having a nap. Poor thing. I went to the mom and pop thrift store and picked up a book made in 1911 and started walking back home to find snowflakes.

Los Angelean materialism was floating down lightly, smearing the world with black spots and making people choke. Bits of plastic looking like twisted-up microbes on steroids flew about, dying to be sucked into a nostril or to ruin white clothes. Passive-aggressive apocalyptic snow flurries from hell.

The people in Pompeii died of the ash, not the fire, I thought. I wonder how many kids stuck their tongues out expecting frozen water before they realized what awaited them...

The ground was covered in a sprinkle of gray, nearly indistinguishable from the usual grunge of LA sidewalks. I wanted to make ash angels, but there clearly wasn’t enough to work with. I suppose this is the only point where being a smoker pays off… Has my addiction become a survival trait?

I thought about living in Florida, and the first hurricane I could remember. I was staying at my stepfather’s house with him and my mother, and a semi-serious hurricane was due to pass directly over us. I say semi-serious, because in Florida a hurricane is only as good as the damage it inflicts, not the damage people think it will do.

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Well I would like to personally thank YouTube for messing up their service again to the point of gross inefficiency. Yet again, I’m finding out from subscribers that my video isn’t making it to their subscription box and that recent errors with the site were making playback for the first day impossible for most people.

Emails were sent, no action was taken, and I have lost that crucial first day so necessary for videos to make it to the charts and be seen beyond the normal subscriber base. The fruit of my hard work is now languishing in wishy-washy video limbo, and I’m disgusted at how I have been treated after contributing to the site for so long. My videos get problems, yet talking head putzes post without a hitch. What a wonderful world.

Also, partly as a result of people not seeing the video, the exposure of my blog is now limited, and T-shirt sales moved nowhere. As of right now, I’m discontinuing shirt sales for god knows how long. Refunds have been sent and the products have been taken down. You can be sure I’ll update the site once I think people might actually buy them, but that seems to be a ways off.

Episode 3 is a little ways off, since I have some paying projects that need to be finished before I can focus on that. I don’t yet have an estimate, but I will do my best to have it out within the next 3 weeks. No promises, though, since this isn’t my job and I need to pay the bills.

On a more personal note, I’m now selling my motorcycle since I have no money to support myself. I’ve lost 30 lbs in the last 3 months because frankly I can’t eat much and, in spite of it all, I lust love doing Haberdashery. Welcome to starving artist 2.0, kids. I’ll do my best not to whinge on about it, since I know there are tons of people out there with it much more worse off than me. These are, however, very dark days my friends.

Honest wishes that you and yours are taken care of and living well.

-B

… The Trouble With Toby

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Whew! So much easier than last time. I don’t know if some of you realized it, but the reason it was a bit sketchy was because I was learning the program and that it was my first cartoon. This time around, the whole process was much more streamlined, much less frustrating, and hopefully more sound in the pacing and humor.

Of course, this one is more plot driven, which some people might see as a deviation from the first one. This is a mistake, because the first was really more about getting the random bits I had in my head out instead of making a huge plot.

This episode is more on track with how I’ll be doing things; the way I see it is Family Guy already has the flashbacks mastered, so I need to make something with more of a plot instead of hinging on that formula for my humor.

Thanks for watching,

-B

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