Oct 092008

I need to talk about something that’s usually to be avoided at cocktail parties and any event where the tearing of your fellow attendee’s limbs off would be frowned upon.


Now before your eyes glaze over and the drool starts to run from the corner of your mouth, let me say that this isn’t going to be about Obama. It’s also not going to be about McCain or Palin or Biden.

No no. This is a post about you. My American Brothers and Sisters. Siblings that are unfortunately thrust together not by choice, but by proximity.

Like the standard American family of today, we don’t treat each other the way we should. What would more smoothly be settled with a detached, calm discussion is quickly turned into a screaming match where invective and insult is catapulted back and forth like flaming pots of oil in a castle siege.

This seems to be the norm and standard for political process at all levels of our American government and media.


Above is a video titled “The Sidewalk to Nowhere,” and it is footage of McCain and Obama supporters divided by asphalt lobbing one-liners at each other. The procession of McCainies is headed to the McCain/Palin rally in Bethlehem, PA. In spite of the name, it seems like there’s not a Wise Man among the bunch in their journey to what I’m sure they believe is their new savior.

0:36-0:39 – “Obama’s a Muslim! He’s a terrorist himself.” 2:29-2:31 – “And he is a… a Muslim”

I couldn’t help but shake my head as the man-child and the aging pensioner belted that phrase sideways to the Obama supporters on the other side. His logic is flawed, and based on the idea that “some terrorists are Muslim, so all terrorists are Muslim. And if all terrorists are Muslim and Barack Obama is a Muslim, Barack Obama is a terrorist. QED, end of story, lets have lunch and vote for McCain.” A house-of-cards logic that falls to pieces when one considers that Obama is a Christian.

Personally, I don’t care what either candidate believes as long as it has nothing to do with his political motivations. Separation of church and state is paramount and, frankly, shouldn’t have fuck-all to do with who you want to lead your country. But then again, I’m an odd guy. Some people care about the color of curtains you hang in your living room more than the people who sit in it.

0:56-0:58 – “Commie faggot”

At the end of this video, I did not see a single Socialist bundle of sticks. My best guess is senility spiked with a bit of Metamucil and rum. Maybe his catheter snagged on the heel of his shoe, who knows?

0:19-0:27 – “Socialism, communism… GO TO RUSSIA! … Socialist swine”

Look I know this might be a wild idea… but when even Rush Limbaugh calls the bailout bill that was passed into LAW “Socialism” I can’t help but agree with the cigar-chomping mic-jockey.

The people they elected, just as much as the people across the street, made this bailout happen. When you consider what’s happening to the economy and that all taxpayers are footing the bill for these bloated wall-street fatcats, you have to wonder what these people are thinking (if anything at all). Perhaps they will take it easier on Socialists after we all scramble for pennies to bail out Wall-Street for a few decades and realize that our elected officials voted us all into Socialist law.

1:33-1:59 “Screw Obama! Boooooo. Die! European Socialist!”

Perhaps it’s just me, but I couldn’t help but compare the swaggering baby boomer to the droogs of Clockwork Orange. Maybe it’s the suspenders. Anyhow, let’s dissect what’ he’s saying here. He’s telling people across the street to “die” and calling them “European Socialists.” Is this any way to voice your opinions? Telling a fellow tax-paying American who is also enjoying their First Amendment rights to expire?
What does this really say about how people really feel in regards to freedom of speech? “Say whatever you like, as long as it’s in accord with my opinions.” You’re peacefully protesting what I believe in from a safe distance, and I think you should die because of it.

“European Socialist”? These are Americans, to the best of my knowledge. Nothing about them at the end of the video sends up a “I’m from Europe and I HATE YOU” image in my mind. I’m not saying that they are all American, but I didn’t see a St. George Cross or a European Union flag on the lot of them.
Socialist? What can be more American than protesting? Wasn’t the Boston Tea Party an act of protest, if not outright defiance of our government? Protests are as American as apple pie, the star-spangled banner and obesity.

2:37-2:49 “God bless America, my home sweet HOME”

Seriously? This sounds like a damned football hooligan chant the way they lace the last “home” with enthusiasm.

Look: I’m not going to tell you who to vote for. It’s not my place and it’s not right for anyone to try and make decisions for you in the first place.

What I will say is that in my eyes, a Gentleman or Lady should be accountable for every word they say, whether in the heat of the moment or not. It is dignity and respectability that we should be encouraging, not some Jerry Springer-style ejaculation of quippy malformed opinions fed to us by whatever slanted and biased media source we value and vomited up at the first sign of differing opinion.

Our people, our American people, are already seen for the most part as the global trailer park. Vocal stupidity flung as far as your throat will allow is only helping that image and hurting intelligent discourse in this nation.

So next time you see a supporter of the “other side,” I hope you consider sitting down and having a talk instead of walking by calling them names and asking them to find a new home 6 feet underground.

Preferred method of political debate?

  • Get drunk and talk about something else. (45%, 24 Votes)
  • Calmly asses your own opinions against your opponents and discuss the differences and your beliefs in a detached and neutral manner. (28%, 15 Votes)
  • Fling poop. (11%, 6 Votes)
  • Rip opponents limbs off. Using bloody severed appendages, beat your opponent to a wet spot on the ground while chanting catch-phrases you heard from the news. (9%, 5 Votes)
  • Run to nearest corner and hide, scrunching your body to it's smallest possible size and urinating your underthings. (6%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 53

Loading ... Loading ...

Other Stuff for Eyeball Fondling (OSFEF)

  20 Responses to “Dear America: Freedom of Screech”

  1. I couldn’t agree with you more Ben. Although I am not an American myself (I am Canadian), I have to say I am flabbergasted at how childish and just plain stupid people can be when it comes down to politics. I have never claimed to know more than the average joe when it comes to political parties but that doesn’t mean that I should insult someones opposing beliefs. Freedom of speech it one of the worlds most precious rights, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to live in some places in Africa where you are killed just for saying one thing out of line. People need to wake up and realize that there are always going to be opposing opinions and that is a GOOD thing. If everyone believed the same thing then there would never been any progress in the world. It is truly a shame that more people aren’t more open minded.

  2. Nicely written, Ben.

    “I disagree with what you are saying, but I defend to the death your right to say it.”
    -Abraham Washington Luther Jr. IV

  3. As a Canadian citizen; I’ll be voting on Tuesday, October 14th, 2008. We have nineteen (19!) Registered Political Parties to choose from and the Big Three are: The Conservatives, New Democratic Party (NDP) and Liberals. These three parties dominate us with their political ads on Radio & TV and clutter our roads with big, garish election signs.

    The only “protests” we experience is late-night election sign vandalism (usually The Conservatives’ and they have volunteers to fix or replace these implements of mind manipulation by the next day) or place our vote in one of the remaining sixteen, lesser-known political parties.

    My precious vote is going to The Marijuana Party. Here’s a link to prove that this actually exists!


    Smoke The Vote!

  4. Sorry about the broken link – cut & paste this to your browser:



  5. “a Gentleman or Lady should be accountable for every word they say, whether in the heat of the moment or not.”

    ExactoLUTELY. It saddens me to see the media circus and financial waste that is the American politics, and what it comes down to in the end is that crowds are idiots. Not necessarily people, but certainly crowds. And something about America encourages crowds; here in the UK we all have personal opinions about politics, but we don’t often go forming mobs over it.

    But I agree completely that if a man or woman shouts “faggot communist” at another man or woman, those words are part of their character. It’s part of who they are.

    Mind you, I’ve always been one of those weird people who likes to be nice people (usually!)

  6. Ah just another reason why I admire you.
    This was unexpected though, I have to say.

    “His logic is flawed” – I liked especially this part.
    And as much as those kind of people scare me, I can’t
    help but feel sorry for them.
    It would probably crush their little world to be more open-minded.
    Since it’s so much easier to see the world in black and white than having to bother with the shades of gray.

  7. “Our American people, are already seen for the most part as the global trailer park.”
    I’m European,and I’m not going to lie…This is kinda true. But all countries have their fair share of idiots.
    You,Ben, are one of those who actually think! And you do it well,too ^^,
    Who ever wins this election,will have a majority of supporters,and HELL as many opposers.

    What’s the point of the democracy and the election if people can’t respect each others views?
    I liked Strad’s quote…:)

  8. Ben,

    Dude, sorry but you seem a little off focus in this post.
    the title has nothing to do with the content. These people have and are clearly using their freedom of speech and you never mention it again in the article. ‘Dear America: proper conduct during debate’ or ‘dear America: listen, think, think again THEN reply’ may have been more appropriate.
    also I could have done without the blow by blow comments on your favourite sound bites.

    still mostly enjoyable. who knows, you may have a future in political journalism.

  9. Maybe he meant that he’s exercising his freedom of speech.

    Maybe posts entitled “Being nice” don’t evoke the same feelings of political imperative.

    Maybe he started with the title and the segued into his eventual topic, something I’ve done more than a few times myself!

    Also, B, thanks for recommending Freakangels, I’m getting way into it now! Also if you haven’t checked out my blog yet I’ll get all mad and veiny. Neither of us wants that.

  10. Haha, people are fucked.


    Well, whaddaya know. Turns out I’ve got a phobia I didn’t know I had. Necknavels.

  12. @Thiefree: HAAAAAH HA HA HAHA. Well where did you THINK Brainpoops come out of?

  13. God, you’ve scared me now. I may never return.

    … ;)

  14. Those McCain supporters were highly intelligent. Their insults profound and their logic strong.
    I kneel before them, and hope some day I will be like them.
    However, until then, while I kneel at their feet…I’ll be telling them where to shove it, and how. I might even add a few “yo mamma” jokes.

    Is that a bunghole in your neck?

  15. Ben:

    I’m liking the new layout of “Brainpoops” so far. The fonts stand out better in the Replies section. You could tweak the Answer Reply fonts (the light gray on white) a darker contrast to minimize readers from squinting.

    The photo header, up top, was a pleasant surprise and is shockingly funny! +1

  16. Congratufuckinglations B, your site is advertising Penis Reduction Pills! This reflects very well on you. Not so great for me though, not being in possession of a harbl myself. Should I get one? I probably should. Right! penis shopping tomorrow! Will the penis shop be open on a sunday?

  17. @Thiefree: Keep in mind I approved that ad personally. It’s funny and the exact opposite of what I would have gotten with google adsense. If I didn’t find SOME merit in the ad, it wouldn’t be on this site. That’s the beauty of Project Wonderful.

  18. Well, that’s nifty, ads that reflect your character? Yeah, I’m down with that :)

  19. @Shay: Don’t worry. Being a Canadian is like being an American, except polite and even-tempered.

    @Strad: A good quote, but frankly an overused one. Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that there are so few quotes that fit this situation?

    @OzBro: For whom the Bong rips…. IT RIPS FOR YOU!!

    @Maya: Thank you for the compliment! I’m glad you share my perspective.

    @MonsterKjersti: The political process in this country is a lot like wrestling: We don’t control who wins or loses, and a lot of it is just to keep people interested.

    @DevonBasedMan: I think you’re putting too much priority on focus. If you’ll remember, one of the basic attributes of my videos on YT is going off on tangeants. However you will find that the headline compliments the overall feel of the article, in that the people I’m commenting on screech more than speak their opinions.

  20. Seems I’m a bit late on this one but anyway…

    I don’t think I need to make any comment on that video – anyone that doesn’t think that’s fucked up is probably one of the screechers.

    As for the belly button, well, it’s quite feral but I guess it suits the site well enough.

    And as for the penis ad, I’m afraid I have been missing out as I use an adblocker, so feel free to plaster your entire site in ads, I won’t even notice. I really don’t know what I’m missing out on until I use IE.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>