• Stop masturbating.

  • Wake up at 6AM.
  • Try to remember previous day.
  • Consider upgrading to a double-wide trailer for more personal space.
  • Change out of dirty white undershirt into less dirty white tank-top.
  • Ride Lawnmower to park.
  • Remember pants this time.
  • Hose down statue of Jesus’ bird-pooped arms.
  • Shoo bums from area that have collected since the last police patrol.
  • Spit polish “No skateboarding” signs.
  • Clean the playground of all bodily fluids. (Note to self: THATS NOT MUD)
  • Re-tag all my own personal graffiti on the tennis practice courts.
  • Stroll around the baseball diamond in pretty pretty dress.
  • Quick nap.
  • Scrounge lunch into broth of bubble gum stuck under the picnic benches and stray bread that the birds haven’t eaten.
  • Howl at the sun.
  • Pick up dry cleaning.
  • Ride lawnmower home.
  • Stop drinking.
  • Sleep.




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    6 Responses to “The Average Public Park Groundskeeper’s “To Do” List”

    1. El Ducko says:

      wow, man, you really got into writing these. Theres been like – a lot recently.

      good job btw

    2. DJ Zap says:

      haha, i wouldn’t want that job.

    3. Strawberry says:

      Does this mean I have to stop masturbating now? :P

    4. Zsmart says:

      Haha, note to self: that’s not mud. Bravo.

    5. Elizabeth says:

      The man that has it all.

    6. Antha says:

      I lol’d. A lot. =]

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