Yeah that’s right… I titled the post that damn Moby song. It’s my audio morphine, my aural pillow. My Earsturbation strokelage. Stick those apples in your pipe and smoke em.
I need to get some shit off my chest, and I figure this is the place to do it. This metaphorical cleveland steamer needs to be scraped off with the symbolic spatula that is self expression.
Internet blogs… when keeping it to yourself is just too boring.
I’m worried about my living situation. The people close to me must be bored of my constant fretting already… It’s on my mind almost every day. See, I live in a converted attic over our landlord’s house in suburbia. Problem being that they don’t seem to have a permit (or some kind of zoning crappery has taken place), so now the city has to come in and inspect. This is all going down on the 21st of this month. I figure at minimum I have until February. They can’t evict us without at least 30 days notice, right?
But it’s not so much the stress of looking for a new place to live… I think it’s more the feeling that I am not in control over anything. Add to this the looming responsibility of independence and the chance that perhaps I may just have to move the hell back home and you’ve got a jumbo gumbo of stress and hand-wringing. Wringing is best left to old-school laundry people and telephones. One wring to rue them all.
It’s like everything was chucked up in the air like a pile of leaves, and I’m the dumbass to the side with a rake wondering how I’m going to clean the mess up. I don’t want to rake. I want to motherfucking swan-dive into the leaves and play. I suppose that’s not always the option.
And I suppose California isn’t a profitable place to set up a leaf-raking business.
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That’s a lot to worry about, no doubt. I don’t know, I find stress tends to be more linked to how I’m feeling than to what’s actually going on. I start obsessing over every little thing that goes wrong, when all I actually need to do is get out of the house, go for a walk, spend more time alone with my thoughts, nature, God, whatever.
I hope you find a solution anyway my love, hopefully your beloved attic space will be ok.
Well that sounds uber-stressful, I’d hate to be in your overwhelming position, I wish I could offer some comforting metaphor, or perhaps some useful advice, but alas my comforting advice usually leads to unfortunate consequences. For now I will leave you with a Time worn Expression: Keep your chin up, it’s always darkest before dawn, and so on.
I’m not allowed to bring puppies home. Dammit.
In an odd sort of way you’ve touched the lives of a lot of divergent spirits in Teh Internet. Most of them are wishing you well right now. There has to be some sort of energy transference. There just has to be. Thousands, or dozens (at least), of people all wishing you well. Plus me.
Cheers.
Well damn. And let me add, if this little reply box allowed me to italicize, I would put emphasis on damn.
Man, I hope it doesn’t come down to you living in ol’ Bama again. I’m fairly certain California is where you belong (Hell, I’m half tempted to get out of Mississippi and go there myself after graduation.). You do, after all, have that director thing moving along (How is that coming, by the way?) and you are pretty fucking skilled within that field. Honestly, I hope everything works out. Life throws some stupid shit at you sometimes, man, and I hope this shit isn’t too deep.
I’m really sorry that this is happening to you. I’ve found there’s no bigger fear than the fear of the unknown. It affects everyone and you can’t prevent it until it’s here.
Loss of independence is a hard thing. It’s almost like admitting defeat, but really admitting defeat would be to let this thing win over you. I really hope you don’t go back to Alabama, California is a ridiculously expensive place to live, but is so worth it. Once I’m done with graduate school, reality is i’m going to have to move somewhere cheaper than the suburb i love and grew up in, but the truth is is that there are parts of California that are manageable if you just know where to look. If it does come down to that, San Clemente and Huntington Beach are all reasonable places to live and hey, what’s even better, they’re near the f-ing ocean.
Anaheim is fairly reasonable and has been built up pretty nicely in the last few years, find two or three roommates and I think you’ll be fine.
Well that sucks horribly.
I offered you a place to live in my dream last night, eerily enough. Alas, my place to live is a high-drama, temporary order with a side of bickering children. Plus, I don’t think Oregon (the redneck area, no less… I’m trying to get out of here as soon as possible) is a place you want to live… Plus it’d be kind of weird to just move in with someone off the internet, no?
So, in light of my rambling conclusion that no, I can not keep you, I will move on to say I’m sorry about all that mumbo-jumbo. Perhaps this means there’s time for a change in life. I’m not saying I know what’s in store, but stuff like this usually means that there’s somewhere else you’ll end up – for better or worse. And I’m sure wherever you end up will be better with you there.
If it makes you feel better, I have no grip on my life either. Like I said, where I live is also temporary.
Hiya Ben.
As everybody’s been saying; that does sound awful.
I’m 19 years old and i left home last year. I stayed with my firends in a hippie commune and I loved it. It was awesome. Now i live in a bigger place with my friend Puck and we get along fantasticly. What I wanted to say is this: A) Communes can be awesome B) why are you stuck on staying in friggin cali? C) as always: if ever in northen europe, be sure to stop by (couchsurfing.com=marshaandfriends, hospitalityclub.org=marshagreen, youtube=marshagreen). Everything get’s so much easier if you have good friends and just relax. I know that they’ll always be there for me and help me out, I’m never going back home. The intimacy people search for in romantic relationship can also be found in friendship.
In conclusion: don’ panic,
Love,
Hed.
so, what’s the word, hummingbird? shall you stay, or will you go?
Hey Man – I just ran across your videos yesterday – had me laughing my ass off for several hours – thx –
to the point – saw your new video today and blog
Chill man, don’t get excited about your situation!! Just fix it. Its part of being a man, its the way things go. It never ends, yr after yr after yr. The only thing that changes is how you are going to deal with it. Im 32 now and I can honestly say the same situations still lurk from time to time. blah blah blah blah….btw never been and never will be in control of fucking anything….Ive tried doesn’t work…especially in Todays world.
Just now, I came across a video of yours because someone else was watching it. It’s 4 in the morning and I have no preference right now, so I clicked it. I watched you describe not knowing where to go with your videos and got through the clip before reading your name. I was not expecting you to be boh3m3. I expected that guy- you- to be a curly haired brownish kid after reading a piece about internet celebrities and meaning to check you out. After that, I did watch a clip about how Ninjas are regular people. Now, knowing that I know nothing about you or your videos, it seems safer to say what I came here to say and that is: Perhaps you should start auditioning for films. Why wouldn’t you? I just read in this blog that you’re in Cali. I’m sure there are plenty of production companies that would love to speak with you.
I can get you an apartment deal thing. Like lowered interest status. My mom is a manager and such. Just gotta be willing to move to santa ana, but yeah i dont know if you’d find it as exciting as um…where are you again? L.A.?
If yes contact me sir.
If no then good luck with it all. And dont worry it gets better.
hello hello. i just watched the last video, and as a bit of a lurker i thought it was time to do my part in the Save Boh3m3! campaign. getting to the point: i think people like you because you remind them of themselves and yet still manage to redeem their worst qualities. you’re the secret personality we lurkers wish we had, the loser (hem. i think you’re cool, yet untrendy ;)) that sits at home and makes videos but manages to be articulate and amusing. i hope that’s clear.
i’m no expert, having mostly gone through your videos randomly, but perhaps your videos were better in the past (if indeed they were) simply because you didn’t care what others thought of you. now you’re a star, and the pressure is growing. perhaps you need an agent, or at least a masseuse.
i suggest following your own crazy brain. it seems to lead in interesting directions. we don’t really matter. you do.
best of luck in ignoring the masses. i hope you find a home. (come to canada! we have leaves AND snow!)
amalie
Hey Boh3m3,
I’m commenting here on your most recent video. Probably because my current browser hates me and won’t let me comment there. But you were talking about that substance you supposedly lost that made your previous videos so neat. I’ve been watching you for about a year now. I never comment. I’ve never seen the need to. But I love watching your videos. I think you’re witty and insightful. I think I sound creepy now, but I’m going somewhere with this I promise. You wonder what you’ve been lacking, well I’ve been thinking that too. I noticed you’ve hit a slump lately. But I still watch because I think you’re magnanimous. If you weren’t no one would be watching you to bitch about you suddenly not being “cool” any more. But you’re still cool. My opinion, however you take it, is that you’ve just lost your passion for youtube. You’re still witty, you’re still cute and funny and all sorts of adjectives I could throw in here, but you’ve become burdened by it. Therefore losing your spontaneity. This makes me sad because youtube was your way of busting into acting and show-business if I remember correctly, and you used to post every single day. It makes me sad because maybe this part of your life is winding down. It’s just weird to wittiness. Like one of those relationships you go through and you know it’s not working but you’re still in it hanging on to whatever that zesty-craziness you felt in the beginning hoping that by clinging like a face-hugger alien you’ll somehow rekindle it.
This is purely speculation, but don’t you find as you’re becoming busier and your extraneous activities become more and more time consuming, you feel less and less inclined to make a video until you read the “Where have you been?” messages? You want to when you’re inspired to say something, do something, but when you do you don’t have the time?
As for your blog, since I’m here I felt obligated to read a bit. Ah, I too am going through that “Oh shit I’m responsible for my whole life now” shock. It sucks. Looking for a place sucks. And most of all it’s the bullshit and red-tape that gets to me. That’s what the bureaucratic butt-fuckery of life is. Bullshit, and red-tape. My dad told me that when I was little. I regret not taking it more seriously, because as you said “the looming responsibility of independence” is like a weight. A giant stupid weight.
Good luck.
i do feel sorry for your current situation. but i don’t think it will be long before we see you on youtube again. you’ll find something better than stupid raking. trust me
I think you need white walls and better food to get the happy Boh3m3 back into the frame. Or, hey, you know, film school. You would nail a scholarship hands down.
This response might be late – however warranted. You got a few good points….especially about the fact that the inherent lact of “control” is turning your squash into soup. My hopes to you in your endeavors. You’ve got talent in the ‘wit’ department, I’m sure there are people in your life that are direct contributors to your maniacal banter – keep ‘em around. I will have to admit – as a part-time Utoob junkie I’ve watched your vids and noticed changes (aside from the upward momentum in video quality) and I’ve enjoyed them.
Independence is the most awesome responsibility one can undure – from what I’ve noticed, you’re grabbin’ it by the balls already. Do some of that self-realization crap….soul search, whatever you want to call it. You’re there dude.
Don’t worry ’bout the Utoobers out there – they’ll manage. Get your situation up-to-speed first.
Best of luck. Write back if you want.
Man, you vetted out my comment about eating better stuff to feel better and going back to a white wall background? Don’t blame ya, I didn’t mean to do a Woody Allen film critic job on you but, yeah, people don’t want morose so much when combined with full on swearing, they want you to keep it real, sure, but they also want to feel uplifted or at least share in the outrage. I figure right now they want to see the fight back – and this would be a damn good time to stage one because everyone’s youtube output has slowed down so much in the past few months, it’s freaky. And screw LA – you either mesh with some pretty ugly gears or you get ground up by them.
Bring back the orange!
Best of.
Would it be too “Californian” to say put out the good vibe and all good things will come to you? Yes? Well, ok then, I’ll just say that worrying about something is the first step to doing something about it! But you have to make that second step :) Otherwise hell ya, my darling, you’ll end up living at home like my 50yr old brother.
Happy Valentines. Hope someone nice is waxing your pole today. (LAUGH:) My “Bo-ism” moment ;)
Come live with me, and be my love.
So what ended up happening with this?
And, sure, leaf-raking probably wouldn’t be all that profitable out here, but can you imagine how much business you’d get if you set up what would become the only English-speaking gardening service in southern California?