Brain Poops

Well I thought that even though Phil and I buried the hatchet it would be a big waste for photos like these… Might as well post the mofuckers! Pics after the jump.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about the dating world again and why I have such a love/hate relationship with relationships and love. Forgive me again for popping a squat on the server here and pinching out another entry. I guess when my nose is plugged up my mind opens a bit more… For in that snot of sickness, what dreams may come?

I suppose my beef with dating is carved from the first stages of attraction and how historically awkward the feeling is for me. Knowing that you are drawn to a person without knowing they feel the same is on par with walking across fluorescent bulbs barefoot with a lit firecracker in your teeth and ice cubes up your bum. At least for me, that is… but I’ve always been one to try and throw emotion into metaphor. My bad.

But then again that may be the sickly sweet feeling that makes finally knowing that much more intense. There’s always a point where the tension becomes too much to bear. When the electricity [ac or dc?] between the people becomes so tangible you imagine that if you turned off the lights at that moment, perhaps the two of you would look like a Jacob’s Ladder in a mad scientist’s bathroom. In that make-or-break moment, it’s all on the line, emotionally, and the stakes are high. Attraction is an all or nothing game, it seems. If no, spend the rest of the week moping about wondering whether it was worth it to try. If yes, well… put some cash into glow in the dark condoms and chick-flick tickets.

Man what a moment, though! I think its those successful moments that make love-junkies out of us all. When in that little instant you go from flighty possibility to absolute happenings, it’s like a damn dam breaking down and flooding a small town of 40, leaving 15 dead and 20 injured. The other 5 were out playing with explosives, authorities say.

When your lips meet for the first time [and you all know what I'm talking about here], you can’t kiss hard enough to express your feelings. It ends up making you feel like you’re trying to devour each other, really… and at that point in time you are so overwhelmed you don’t see just how stupid you must look slobbering on each other and making little lovenoises. It’s pretty comical when you think about it.

If I had to nail down my feelings about dating to a wall for inspection, I think that after sweating under the hotlamps they would finally give up the goods and tell me it’s the itching before the sneeze that gets me. I can’t stand all the little games before you are definitely with that person. I mean quit dangling the carrot, for fuck’s sake… that ass needs feedin.

Wow that last sentence didn’t come out quite the way I wanted it too… I just can’t stop laughing about it though. That’s as good of an ender as I’ll ever be able to make in this state I think.

Be chill, kids.

You know that bit in Beetlejuice when the two lead characters ask Mr. Juice if he’s qualified? When all you see is him from behind and those tentacle things burst from his head? I feel like that right about now… only with snot tentacles… and they aren’t even prehensile! As gross as it may be, I think prehensile snot tentacles would be a huge step up from where I’m at right now. I mean at the very minimum they could probably hold a cigarette for me or help me shave. That might be sweet in a disease-ridden mucous kind of way.

There’s a whole crapload of crap I need to unload on you guys, so strap in for the long haul… let’s see if my fingers work more efficiently than my immune system.

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